A new addition

On the 4th of February we welcomed a new member to our family.

Cheers to my rapidly growing family :D

Babies too cutee and I just love shopping for her and carrying her! And her nicknames awesomeeeee too,hehe. I've a feeling I'll forget her real name if everyone keeps calling her by her nick.yes,it's a little difficult to remember,lol.

Anw,my house is currently very extremely lively with everyone living in it altogether.it's a positive thing but it's a bad thing considering how near exams are. Hopefully I'll be able to juggle it well.still thinking of where to study for the next two weeks,any ideas?

And let me end off with well wishes for my dearest Chinese friends.may the new lunar new year being about much more satisfaction (:

<3

MRT

I took the east-west line after quite a number of days ob Saturday and I'm happy to say I noticed a change.

Well,to me this change is actually quite big..

Because previously there was an uproar abt it.

And the change was that the voice you hear in the mrt is now different.it sounds more Singaporean and the announcement is made in a muxh clearer tone and messages are kept short.

For example, they say something along the line of 'paya lebar interchange.change to the circle line here.'

It may sound a little insincere but it's much more direct and easier to register.

The voice is no longer some China person's who can't even pronounce properly.

So yay to this change.

Hope fully all the other mrt lines would change their voices too.

Love how I can spot all this small changes because it makes me realise the government is actually trying its best to improve things.

Not to mention abt the gigantic fans at the overhead stations. The wind from it is just fooyeo!

Keep improving Singapore and keep speaking up for things you're not satisfied abt, people of Singapore! (:

Thirst

Feeling super thirsty today,have been drinking lots of water but it ain't helping.

This means something...I probably spoke too much today.

From greeting Ms Lau in the morning to responding to 'how much did u get' to discussing company law to talking to le mysterious guy after super duper long!(he looked really good today!) to rehearsing for convy to casual convos with the group mates to bitching around with le good friend to spending the entire afternoon with the other good one to speaking non-stop to my adorable babies in the evening.

I'm exhausted.

The ulcer is finally getting better.didn't know I ulcers could appear because of accidentally hitting the toothbrush to the gums! Hahaha.yes that's what happened to clumsy people like me >.<

This week is going pretty much nicely,like I had expected it to be really hectic, chaotic and bad but hey I've been managing and am proud of myself for it :D

Angtsy-ness seems to be gone since today too,woohoo.thinking back, I think i'm quite freaky when I'm angtsy.I'd be scared of myself if I were not myself,makes sense.yes it does,haha.

Heading to school super early tmr cause we're super kiasu.doesn't kill to be so for desired grades.

Gonna keep s super look out for jy and walk to school with her.eggcited for no apparent reason,hahaha.

May the smile on my face prevail! (:

-Xoxo

When you don't know where to to go

Jab kuch samaj mai nahi aata and jab maloom nahi hota ki aapni maan ki baat kis ke saath share kaare to this dear blog is always here.

On the first day of 2013 I was determined to be back to my old sociable self.a noisy girl in class who makes friends easily and can have a casual convo with almost anyone.

But today,I feel like retreating from the world all over again. I don't know what triggered me but it's really how I feel..I can totally see myself being that typical girl who stays in her room all day watching tv and spending the time on the computer,on tumblr particularly.

Oh well,that's not my point.I have no problems with staying home and doing chores.

Baat to friendships ki hai.mujhe aisa kyo lagta hai ki meray pass koyi karibi doost nahi hai? Sab log aapni aapni life mai itnay masroof hai ki meray baaray mai socchnay ka waqt hi nahi?

Kuch waqt phelay mai aapnay doosto ko lay kar bahaut shukar guzar thi par aap aisa nahi raha.

I think I know what the problem is.larkay.yes larkay.jab unkay life mai larkay nahi thay tab hum bahaut karib the.now that there's someone,its all retreating.

How do I salvage this?

Mujhe unsay bahaut baatain karni hai,even if I have nothing much to say.magar I don't want to be making the first move all the time.I feel I've been doing it way too much.it takes two hands to clap.so I cant be in this alone.

Maybe mujhe hi samajnay mai deri hogayi.kya pata unko ab meri zaroorat nahi hai issy liye baat ya phir milna choor diye.

Mujhe bhi dekhna hai ki kitni derr baat wo log mujhe baat karangay. Let's wait and watch.

Maybe the saying - new relations cause old ones to be forgotten is true.

On a side note,so proud of myself for this partial post to be in mother tongue! Achievement.*pats self*

Really hoping to feel better.

UDSS

Today being the first Saturday of the year marks the beginning of mother tongue school.

I remember how I used to hate attending classes.firstly because it was on Saturdays, I mean I always felt that I deserved the 2-day break each wk from school.

However,after timeless explanations and the company of my beautiful mother I went without fail ob every Saturday.

Which person would be so nice to sacrifice their time doing absolutely nothing but waiting in the school compounds for my lesson to end.well that was my mother.

It was like she was attending school to.

We enter and leave the school at the same time.

Then I moved on to secondary school and things changed tremendously. I had to go by myself...I still dreaded it but soon enough I found a reason to motivate me.this brought me through the next four years.

Now that I've graduated from it and experienced unpleasantness which never fails to remind of mother tongue school, I don't want to ever go back there.

Today was a tough escape. I wonder if I'll be able to escape next week and the other upcoming Saturdays.

29/12/12

It's the last Saturday of the year and rather well spent.

I love family time although what we do most of the time is just stay arnd the house and eat and watch a movie and have endless chats. But its just <3<3<3

today was good.went out with le sis n bro then had family time with a nice movie and tea break and chats and laughter and lots of photos and a great dinner.

House was left in a mess but it was worthwhile (:

Besides that.I just have so much to say to practically everyone but  words arent just coming out of my mouth.other then last night when I had an argument w le sis.

Oh and really thankful for the gifts from ally siblings.have been receiving quite a number of stuff and I totally love all of it.today's gift just touched me :D

A random thought just flew in.if he's younger than me why would my grandma have match made us together? From what I know, in the olden days, their believes and all was that the guy should be older?

So it doesnt make sense.I want to ask so badly but I'm not going to.things seem to be.....idk.maybe it's just me and my excessive thinking.

Oh well.

Really thankful for everything that's been happening in my life.alhamdulilla for each event whether small or big or happy or sad because I believe everything happens for the better.

Cheers,

<3

YTriggered

Just saw a tumblr post saying:

' I hate the idea of someone else having you'

It's at times like this when I really wonder if there's someone else.

Though you assured me there wasnt any a mth ago,how can I be certain it's still the same?

I want to ask but I don't want to go off as insecure and afterall I do know you wouldn't like me asking.

So curious about what happened to the 3 girls.

Oh how oh why.

All this that's happening makes me wonder even more. Curiosity kills the cat and it'll soon kill me too.

All this talk less thing,what does it mean? It is definitely possible there's someone else there whose taking up all your time leaving a pathetic amt for me :(

Maybe its all my fault.for putting off a wrong impression.shouldn't have said so much.oh well what's done cannot be undone. I'm sorry!

Maybe I should really tell you how I feel.but I'm not so certain myself,so how,what shall I do?

<3

Weirdly amusing

It's funny how when I'm extremely low or extremely high I wish I could talk to you.

You get on my mind even more and if I'm down that ruins everything mOrd but if I'm high your words never failed to make smile.

Its really very strange and I don't know what to do about it.

Hate myself for getting attached to people too easily.it sucks.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm....... Fuck no fuck.I'm not saying it until I'm oh so certain.

Younger guys?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WITH ME AND GUYS YOUNGER THAN ME.

Oh gosh, I need to maintain,

The irony of me saying I think its ideal that the guy is older than the girl and turns out I don't live by what I say.

Hmm,but honestly who is so particular about who they're talking to?I mean if the age gap is super huge then ya they'll be cautious if not then..urg I don't know luh.

I've been living in this delusion for idk how long and it's :( to find out it was all just a made up story of mine.

For once I want to be younger.though I love february because it's most special-28 days,I wish I was a December baby.lol.here's me just upset.

Feels like you're going away because you're younger.how the fuck do I explain this to you.

What's wrong with her for bringing this issue up.

I'm so curious,I need to know what you found out about him but this relationship between us has turned too sour. It's not appropriate to ask.I can't be so matlabi (can't think of the eng word for this).

Aiyooo.I need to accept that I'm never going to know the conversations.

Brain needs to stop thinking,oh well,goodnight

-Xoxo

Weekend

The weekend started off pretty fun with a short shopping spree in the morning and a peaceful afternoon and family night.

The kids are here for good.house gonna be filled w le lovely family all the way till Christmas..

It was fun fun fun until this morning,

Woke up having a real bad body ache and stomach been hurting since forever.

Oh gosh,body please get well soon.there's ton of things I wanna do and I wanna meet my girls tomorrow too ao body you can't fail on me alright.

In a huge dilemma whether or not to eat right now.I dont want my body to starve neither do I want to start puking non stop.

It just feels weird from within.

Holidays!

Yay! I was happy to wake up today to know that holidays awaits me in just a few hrs!

Though I was pretty nervous and was on the verge of giving up,I'm really thankful I was able to answer every question,every part of it.whether it's right or wrong or if I score well or not it doesn't really matter.because I feel I did what I could.

But yes itll be a pity if I didnt do well cause I could've if I had put in more effort on studying.

Also I would've completely forgotten how it feels like to stay till the end of the paper if not for today,thank you ba and thankyou my friends for wanting me to say bye to you guys before heading off.

Overall I had a good short last day in school for the year.

May 2013 bring more joy and make me strive harder in terms of education.

Yay again! Because my family feels more complete now,I managed to live half a sem on my own.and I'd say a big yes to joint families in future.

Just awaiting Christmas now for a splendid family reunion.feels like it's been awhile!

And though ive been having a happy and rather busy day..,I still end up in my bed tonight thinking of you.really makes me wonder if I ever cross your mind for just a split second in the entire day.I'm attached to you already..too quickly and too much amd too surprisingly.I no longer know how to run away from it but stubborn me doesn't feel like harping on you.so pleaseeee come.

I think I'd better sleep before my mind wanders too far away..

goodnight dear space

<3

12/12/12

Sorry for raping you my dear blog but I really have to let this all out somewhere if not I'll fall weak myself than whose goimy to take care and work the brains to try and solve everything else?

Uh no...just when I thought I coud be a super girl, a splendid sister and a fighter daughter.boohoo.now he's going to have sleepless night and I know it.I'm 100% sure and it sucks to know I can't do anything.and you probably think I'm inhuman and mean and what not for not telling you but I promised and I didn't want you to worry.you were already not having such a pleasant day,

Aiyooo..you know he can't handle stress yet you do it.

What's wrong with the world?!

So many you-s in this post,bet when I read back I wont be able to figure out but oh well it makes perfect sense to me right now so..

I need to be prepared and I have approximately 36 hours to brace and gather all the positiveness I need to handle this!

I believe I can do this.all of this it's more important than my self-created drama life.

I don't even care if all of those people left but i'd be nice if they could be there so I can have a break.but I don't NEED them.

No expectations.



It's not been a pleasant 12/12/12.

I'm a fighter and I know it.

Dramamama

I cannot watch romantic dramas! I take them too personally.

It's okay,I believe one day my love story will be much more romantic and loving and sweet and beyond cheesy than all the dramas I've ever watched.

K bye

So close yet so far

Everything seems to be within the perimeters but out of my reach.

Hating myself for my sucky attitude right now.

Why can't I be good enough for myself and for my beloveds?

Why can't I live the day without absurd thoughts?

Everything is strange.it seems so near yet as though it's going to fall apart.

Whatever that's important and far feels the same way too.That probably means the problem lies in me and solely me.

How do I fix it? How do I tighten the loose screws within me?

I miss you all.yes you, you and you!

Everything seems within the perimeters but out of my reach.

<3

Life's impossible?

Life is really hard to figure out.maybe its truly impossible.

But by saying its impossible to figure out life is like giving up because I've always believed nothing is impossible.

The constant battle of trivial issues within me.

Why do I get caught up by such things,well,I guess its a part of me that ive to accept.

Funny how only after 4 years I finally decided to accept this part of me....

And annoying how I turn to this place only to complain and rant and sulk and express how the down sides of my life is instead of some happy posts.it just sucks ok.

So here's to another saddist emotional post!

Feeling as though life's been playing a lot of games with me.is this to test how strong I am by throwing me challenges or to see how soon I'll fall?

I really don't get it.maybe it's my fault for asking for a roller coaster ride,and its exactly what I'm getting right now.

Feeling good about myself and having all the love and happiness I can get for a few days and then back to the gloomy days where I feel like sulking in my bed all day.

It lasts way to short and it's affecting me in many ways,studies being of outpost importance at this point in time.

Persuading myself no longer works and I do not know what to do now.

May the odds ever be in my favour as well as those close to my heart.

Today's the day where I feel like life is meaningless.probably only living it because its a sin to put a stop to it.

Oh my Lord, please grant me inner peace and stability to carry on and do productive things to make a positive change!

May all my beloved friends overcome their dark days as well.

<3

Out of the fixation

I believe not long ago I was appreciating life and was liking how things were going but now as I'm on my way,I no longer feel the same.

I feel something is seriously wrong with me. My daily cycle seems to be changing pretty fast and I'm not a bit liking the current cycle. So a week ago I couldn't fall asleep until at least pass midnight and now I'm desperate to unite with my bed starting 10..

Doing anything seems like a chore,even watching tv.have I mentioned how I used to intensely stare at the screen throughout the drama and now I can't stay put 10 mins into it.obsession with tumblr seems to be disappearing too.food I cook no longer tastes good.I could cook good food,fyi.

What's worst is not knowing the cause of all of these and when reality hits it mother fucking sucks.oh this brings me to my vulgar language.it seems to be growing when I'm trying to eradicate it.I now scold the tutor for some really tinily minor mistake..

ALL OF THIS JUST NEEDS TO STOP.

But then....how? My plans seems to be failing on me and therefore I gave up making plans,letting nature take its course and then today a group spoke about visualisation. It sounded stupid to be honest.

The dude mentioned if you can visualize yourself reaching your goals then one fine day you will.and he was sharing hid story of how this basket baller practice perfect aiming by sitting on the bench and visualizing while his mates ran out and down the court to train and that made the man successful.

so maybe I should try out this method of thinking w/o any actions,HAHAHA.

The thing that I want is impossible to achieve,its nothing big and it's certainly achievable but just not now.

Hmm,I started by saying how I liked things a few weeks ago.yes.everything seems to be falling apart now and I'm too tired to prevent it from completely falling.sighs.my soul needs a new brain to function well~

<3

Goodbye

Goodbyes suck big time,probably one of the things that shouldnt exist in the world..

It causes a lot of unrest especially when it occurs suddenly without any warning.

My world feels empty suddenly.the pieces which used to form it have all gone and now I'm left with just 2.

Thank God that it's only temporarily gone,I'd be dead by now if it were to be permanent.

So yes,my huge family has reached safely back in hometown, village.they would be loving the slow paced lifestyle there after years of hetic hell here.

My dear friend would probably be having wine and sulking because she's been taken to a country she didnt want to visit.

My newest friend who grew so close in a short time,which shocked me,myself has gone missing for the past 5 days.

What's worst he's gone w/o saying anything.though I've a strong feeling he's unwell and admitted,i can't get myself to patiently wait. That silly boy doesn't even tell people his problems and that's what worries me most.

And because he's so far away,there's minimal I can do.contemplating to call but if he hasn't read my msges what are the chances he'll pick up?

So anyway, goodbye to le family was horrible.in the early daze they were still making talks abt me going.and then when it was time to depart all was going well till that sissy of mine asked for a hug,long one and baaaam I lost it.

I love hugging,it makes you feel good and is healthy to.not only that it strengthens the bond physically and internally. But a goodbye hug is awful. You control yourself so hard and then when it comes to hugging that exercised control disappears.

So here I am back at home with my 2 pieces of world, one my dearest brothers,sissy and  the 11 yr old chap.it's not that bad because there's five of us but on normal days it's just bro and me,more of me,me and me because bro works late and is exhausted by the time he's in so it's an early night for him. Oh well,cant wait for the long weekends!

And then there's this other 1 piece,probably the only one who reads this space.technically speaking there's 2 people in this 1 piece but ya...they're so near yet so far.that's one reason why Singapore sucks.everything revolves around your corporate life- education,career. Makes those close to you drift away.so annoying.nonetheless, I'm greatly thankful to these 2 people in my life.

I bet youre smiling while reading this cause you know I'm referring to you (;

Loveeeee you more than words can say!<3

Hmm,I drifted away from my title but ohh well,chaos~

Dramas

Have been spending my nights watching dramas and just a thought flow through me.

I can't imagine myself being those typical girl they show in the dramas,neither the heroine nor the vilen, did I even spell it right?

The female leads are either too dependant,too girly or too strong,too much of a fighter. And the bad person is way too mean,at times it feels fictitious but then again I can't say such things doesnt occur in life just because I've not seen or heard or any such stories.

Can you imagine some guy consoling me? HAHAHA. I can't. I see myself as the one comforting others. Well this is just what I feel and I may be wrong. Maybe some day someone will prove me wrong, I anxiously anticipate that day to be before me.

I'm currently so bored I feel like writing a story of my life and portray it in a film or a short say 20 episode drama..it'll be interesting won't it. Makes me wonder how many people will mock my character or how many will be left amazed and startled or touched or maybe say 'hey,I feel that way too.'of course not forgetting the negatives but why bother myself with those when I can choose to live a fantasy?

I've always wanted a life of 'how I met your mother' or 'friends' or 'cougar town' or 'new girl' and the list goes on...in which they all have a clique and squeeze out time for each other no matter what.

It's inspiring and increases the value of friends but at the same time it can be really disappointing to know you can't meet that standard or be that sort of a friend and vice versa.

Just a random thought that passed through while I was bored watching the slow paced drama.

If I'm blessed enough,one day I'll live that sort of a life.maybe,hopefully. I want to experience it!

<3

Blogaway

That's the name of the app I use..

Shall blog to prevent myself from sleeping,feel bad for falling asleep halfway through conversations.

Arranged the apps in my phone according to mostly used. And oh gosh.messenger has made its way from the last to the first page very steadily! It's a good thing I guess? However, it shouldn't overtake messages and whatsapp..ya I guess just these two.

Its the 3rd alr,17 more days before they fly off.lots of work to be done by them and I guess I'm only going to assist in shopping,hahaha! #shopaholic

Oh ya will have to pack daddy's luggage too.

Wonder how I'll spend my days when everyone's away...this holidays I've been spending a lot of time with the biggest boyboy. I'll have a hard time if timetable is as empty as it was in 2.1..at the beginning there won't be much to study also so I really dont know how time will go by.I cannot allow myself to be a lazy bum during term time,it's a different story when it's holidays~

Maybe i'll make several trips down to bedok library to read n probably study there...who knows,maybe me frequenting that place might take a turn in life?

It sounds stupid and fictitious but honestly I haven't found what I want so I'm just swaying around.

What else do I type out now?

Oh ya,there's this burning question circling in my head.should I send a gift for yang since all of them are going? Will it be weird? And if I do what should I send?

But he says he doesn't want anything..so how?

I need to come to a decision really really soon! Can someone help me out?

<3

Reflection

I feel as though I'm moving at the rate of a tortoise.

The world seems to be advancing way too rapidly and I feel left behind. 'Time and tide waits for no man' taking its troll.

I feel I need to do so much more in a short time span if I want to make full use of my existence and if I want my story to be a success.

18 years have passed! It's a large number actually. I shall take away the first 3 years because no man can remember his life from birth. So that leaves me with a figure of 15. And in this 15 years,I've only effectively made good use of estimated 10 years.

My point is I have not progressed much in the last 5 years. And it took me god dam 5 years to realise it.

Time to pull a leg,buck up, pull up my socks, soar to great heights and the idiom list goes on!

<3