emotions.

this picture above basically sums up my emotion right now. it's not fair to say i'm at my all time low because there are things which happened in the day which made me smile. i can endure this and i know hopefully by tomorrow i'll be able to grab a complete grip of myself. 

As for now, the focus is not to let me affect others. and not to let me affect me. i had a chain of things i wanted to do tonight and what i'm doing now or have been doing for the past hr or two wasn't on my list and i guess the rest of tonight won't be either :/ it's so fucking annoying to not be able to understand me and why i'm feeling this way. to sum it up it sucks.

i don't think i've mentioned it on this space but recently- maybe not so recent - things between us has not been the same. it's been going down the drain and now i'm fed up of trying to salvage this .

i don't get what's the harm in drafting a decent reply, i mean i bothered to type an essay and ur reply is two words. to me that means a lot. it shows how much you care, what i mean to you and much more.

i thought you were different but maybe and more certainly now i guess i'm wrong.

what i believed to be myths are making me feel they're for real. and it's disappointing to find out bit by bit and even worst when i have to deduce it myself.

for once it feels extremely hurting to be made use of in this way. i am not your personal belonging which u choose when and when not to make use off. i'm not here to satisfy your needs. maybe i should express all of this in your words, i'm human too, i do have emotions and i have a brain to tell me what's going on.

my eyes are filed but fuck no,you're not worth my tears.

anyway, back to the picture i posted up there. 

the smiley face is because at least you responded to me and i noticed that you didn't to others who wished you.. though i have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

the green face is because i knew that i shouldn't expect much at the time i sent the msg, i knew nothing much was going to come out from it but i expected more. makes me wonder why i fall for such a person but then again i can't it can i?

the sad face is because you're not who i thought you were. you;ve disappointed me way too much and i think its reaching the limits. everytime i  get a grip of myself and try to leave the pass behind me, that's exactly when you come back and instill the same feelings all over again bringing me back to square 1. what's worst is that you don't even express yourself making me even more frustrated. how i wish you would read all of this and put me at ease.

i need to know what's going on, somewhere within me there are a lot of questions which MUST be answered.

For now i think this picture sums up the entire situation: