I feel useless,okay maybe that sounds a little dramatic but ya.....
I've a serious question and i desperately want to know the answer but somehow i just can't get it,can you answer me?
Why do people smoke?or specifically why do you smoke? the topic on smoking is really getting onto me,damm!
I miss my old-self,the carefree girl who never did bother about what others used to think of her,who used to find happiness in the smallest of things,who used to be glad of her life,who used to socialise madly,who wasn't afraid of being different,who didn't care about being judged and the list goes on.
I'm not upset because i don't like my new self but because i miss being me and i wonder what changed me...actually i've been feeling i've changed since a long time ago which is why if you recall i keep on asking do you think i've changed? but somehow the answer i get is no,why why why?!
Anyway,it saddens me to see people close to me smoking,okay i still don't get the harmful effects of smoking,i mean yes it destroys your health but not till that bad, and if you're bound to die,you'll die,you can't change fate can you? If god wants you to die out of smoking than you will..that is structural wrong,let me rephrase. if you're fated to die from some lung illness,you eventually will,whether or not you smoke..see life has become so much about how people perceive things and i really wonder do they go deep into their thoughts or are they all empty-vessels,uttering things at the tip of their tongues? and also since 2nd hand smoke is known to be more harmful, then technically the loved ones of smokes should be dying earlier than the smoker,right?
But why are more and more people around me starting to smoke?
it's reaching to a point where i feel i should try it out so my question can be answered but then again it is moral for me to do so?what if i fucking get addicted?the major factor restricting me is how people around me are going to react?what if they leave me? let's just say i'm insecure and i cannot stand people leaving me anymore...!
I feel lonely,i guess that's the right word...though i may seem to have a lot of friends,i do not feel the ya'know connection with them.i've time and again told luq that its good to have many friends, friends in general but a few true and close ones..now thinking about it,i should go back to luq to take back my argument and to agree with him when he said a few true friends are enough for you to survive.
I know that my closer friends are here to stay and be here for me when i need them but i feel it's not the same anymore,maybe it's not because i think i've changed? idk,maybe it's because i do not spend time with them? wtf is wrong with me and my life? it seems normal and fine but WHY deep down inside me i've a voice telling me all this.
Anyway,i should STOP my emo-nemo talk and think about happier things...heh,shall recall happy moments! (:
ps: i'm totally fine just that my thoughts are getting crazy probably cause i want to get away from the torture of studying?
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