Leap Year

Take a leap cause today's a leap day!

Once in four years,somehow i always look forward to this day,idkkkk,it feels special and i feel lucky being born 1 day before it..like can you imagine if i'm a 29 feb baby how people would make fun of my age and stuff?
hahaha

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEHAN!
(is that how i spell her name)
that girl's one today,logically 4,duhhhh.
i'm sure she must be having a huge party back in her hometown.

Anyway,this four years which have passed have cause a significant change in my life or say lifestyle.
Four years ago on this very day,i didn't even have the time to turn on the computer,to surf the net or whatsoever.
4 years ago on this very day, my entire family,every single one made themselves free to come down and was gathered here in my house and we were all mercilessly praying for the better.
4 years ago on this very day we made a decision,a very huge decision which till today i do not know if it was/is the right decision.
4 years ago on this very day there was happiness and sadness, of course sadness outplayed the tiny happiness.
4 years ago .....i can go on and on.

In a nutshell today marks the day that brings back vivid flashbacks of what was going on in my life 4 years ago. an experience which would probably not occur again in my life, or rather i would not want to experience it again cause it makes me feel shittyly helpless.

However,i'm proud of one thing i did 4 years ago and that was to ask for forgiveness.
It wasn't easy,there was a lot of courage to muster,a fake smile to put on my face,to express myself from deep down inside me with a crowd of people listening to what i've got to say though it wasn't meant for them.

I'm really thankful that it was a leap yr that yr,2008,cause if hadn't had been,then i see myself drowning in grief for the rest of my life not wanting to celebrate my birthday...if that makes sense,it does to me!

Enjoy the day while you can cause if you make this day special you'll be reminded of the good old times every 4 years,its unique cause it's different and special and that is why i feel proud to be a February baby!<3
hehehehehe,anyways,this also marks the end of another month of 2012,keeeep going well (:

toodles

18 seyyyyy

WARNING: Be prepared for a long speech ahead and a section to be emotional (:

First and for most, i turn 18 today,yay-nessss! (:
I am so weird,why am i cheering over being a yr older? cause 18 sounds way better than 17 :P
I feel blessed and like an achievement having pass 18 yrs of life,whut but seriously.

First about today's paper,it was better than what i expected it to be (a killer) but then again i'm not all that confident abt my answers.also can i just say i think i wasted my time on such nice mindmaps! like i had 12 in total and i think i used abt 5 of em only! kept referring to negligence after negligence and more negligence,sian.
So within the 2 hrs i wrote as fast as i could and for once made awesome use of the time (:

And some unexpected people wished me on my birthday,i really dont know how to react cause it makes me wonder if they're wishing me out of politeness and for the sake of wishing cause if they are i'd rather they not wish me.ok i know its mean to bitch when they're being nice but sorry i can't help it ):

Here's my list of people to thank :

Lucy for the customized card which i couldn't view ):
Buddy for the super ku-et card,meow! (:
EP for her love letter and for knowing that i love to sleep,hahah!
And the gang for spending and celebrating it with me.
plusss everyone else who wished me.
I'd specially thank my classmates who wished me cause they wouldn't have known it's my birthday today unless they remember or if fb reminded them right,

and how can i forget my awesomest bunch of people who made secondary school life sucha joy for me,a sincere thank you to all em (:

So today i got a shock when my phone started ringing out of nowhere while i was asleep, it was bimmmz calling to wish me, the volume was waaaay too loud. love her beyond love <3

so now for me to cry out of distraught.it just goes to show HOW MUCH YOU FREAKING CARE ABOUT ME! thanks,i know i'm a living burden on your shoulders whom you can't get rid off,don't worry my plan's to marry young and ya MOVE THE FUCK OUT.
i always try to put up a fucked up i-don't-care attitude when things get overboard or a smile on my face over  what may seem like a trivial matter when i'm upset but that doesn't give everyone else a chance to mock and be sarcastic to hurt me even more right!
at least that man whom i'm in this world today is getting me a cake,something's better than nothing,but you guys don't have to rub salt into the fire ):

okay,i'm done being emotional!

back to my birthday,happy thoughts,yipeee!
walked out of school super quietly with my two darlings..but cause they were laughing on their own over idk what...the guys who are so slow,maybe?
then at the bus stop the guys finally came,i swear they need to learn how to say hi,hello,some form of greeting..cause i was confused if they were joining us or not!!
so as usual no one could decide what to eat,haissssss,that seems to always be the problem with us,WAI?!
lunched/dinner together in an awkward environment which was so silent before everyone started to admit that we're all awkward,hahahaha,this is what i like about them. they're so honest and hilarious at the same time,totally love it with them,okay maybe not,not the silent part.
got to know a little more into mysterious guy's life,HAHA,loveeeeeee his smile (;
thanks to my javana darling for keeping me busy with my phone so much so that they were wondering why i text so much today,hehehe,love you darling!<3
ehm,it would not be mean if i say it was a rather fail birthday 'surprise' right?since all of em know how it was..love myself being super blunt and honest these days :D

anyway,all my nice people were there to celebrate with me except one,one whom i'm closer too, his presence was dearly missed,cause i think if he'd been there it wouldn't be so awkward,
anyway,i'm on this mission to ERADICATE this awkward feeling k,can't wait for  lovely's birthday,huhu,a month away and i'm already planning,heeeeee.wish me luck so that it'd be a success!!

okay,off to send precious thankyou texts,
tooodle
<3

happyhappyhappy

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! (:

Today's another happy day!

I do not regret not mugging THAT hard for lsm cause i think the paper was doable, when i told le brother it was okay he said it means not good than it got to me and i crazily went to calculate how much i think i'd get so ya...a B at least.A depends on how strict their marking is and the amt of careless mistakes i make. idk,i found myself repetitive for a few questions :/
well,it's over and i'm kinda happy after the end of the paper so i'm praying my results will be as good as my after feeling (:

So people have been saying "somebody's birthday tmr sey" and i'm like yes i know i'm turning 18 tmr,haha,i'm so annoying but i do appreciate their thought towards me,at least people are thinking about me,loveeee it!

Hmmm,i can't help it but think what those peeps are gonna do tmr. i mean they're crazy but there's exams so i hope we'll just have dinner and leave cause i don't want them to waste their time on me and lose out on studying :/ and sem says be free tmr after school after i gave her an anal answer that i'll be studying for tort paper when she asked what am i doing tmr.

No family plans,cause it's in the middle of exams and everyone else's working,...dad says we'll do it on sat but they alr sang me a song w a mini celebration last wk...my family's getting insane,HAHAHAHA

So thankful for such nice people in my life (: <3

Appreciate their slighest thought,i mean even luq knows it's my birthday tmr,all of em are stalkers!

Since it's gonna be my day tmr, everything that happens to me/ related to me should be great right, haha, just hoping for tort to be as nice as today's aal ass am (:

ohhhhh and saw le brother today,that just made the day even better!
and mathavan he's tooo ku-et,the way he blinks his eyes, makes me wanna laugh everytime i see him,HAHA

k bye

ps: i plan to do what i've been wanting to do for a very long time tomorrow if i'm given the slighest hint,hee^^

<3

Awwwh

Hiiiii, today's a happy day,yay! (:

Despite how much i told my family not to celebrate my birthday this yr cause i have exams (yea,that's just an excuse) the true reason's cause it feels shitty. anyway,my sissy baked me a cake and annoying brother made everyone sing a birthday song for me and i was given the honour of cutting the cake..

Oh gosh,look at the glaring structural error,uhh,whatever.

It came unexpected,and i'm annoyingly happy,annoyed more cause i've been procrastinating like there's no tomorrow today,damm.
LSM oh lsm, i hope you'll be nice to me. LPB's actions are freaking me out secretly,yet i wonder why i have no   actions to take to back myself up.le sighs.
Exams no longer seem to have the importance in my life as they previously did.

Awesome family time with all our usual craps and laughter,whyyoudon'tknow? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can i mention how jealous i am.the whole world's travelling but me,how is that ever possible. 2012 resolution to get my ass outta singapore,haha!
I'm so jealous, Vietnam, London, USA, UK, Germany, China, Malaysia, Dubai, India - why am i excluded in all the trips?!
Go malaysia i also happy alr okay.

What's the best way to stuff some information into le brain?

It's time for me to get my ass kicking on some information about the Parliament of Singapore,
B-O-R-I-N-G!

<3 

What you'd do?

What would you do when:

1. You feel stuck in between two people
2. You feel as though you have a psychological disorder
3. Your friend thinks he/she has a psychological disorder
4. You feel so bloody emotional over something of the past
5. You feel socially awkward with one of your friend
6. You feel your friend doesn't care
7. You get the hint that you're annoying
8. You feel you're irritating
9. You don't know how to answer your friend
10. Your friend tells you you're caring too much
11. You feel you're not good enough
12. You're living a life of regrets
13. You feel low
14. You feel the need to express more care
15. You feel helpless for a friend in need
16. You feel someone has a lot to say but isn't saying anything
17. You feel lonely
18. You feel you're not putting in enough
19. You feel something has to be done but you don't know how
20. You're so bloody confused
21. You can't reason the change in yourself
22. You want to bring back the old you
23. You feel you're a disappointment to others
24. You can't live up to expectations
25. You feel frustrated
26. You feel like you're a burden
27. You cannot make yourself useful
28. You cannot make yourself appreciative
29. You try so hard but fail
30. You're in love
31. You're scared
32. You're torn down
33. You feel like resorting to harmful stuff
34. You feel you're not an asset to anything
35. You feel you're bad
36. You feel life sucks
37. You feel you're at the lowest level of the maslow's hierarchy
38. You feel your life is filled with failures
39. You feel shitty
40. You're clueless to why you're living
41. You can't find a reason to live
42. You don't know how to express your feeling
43. You don't know how to react to certain situations
44. You don't know if you're wanted
45. You want to get married asap
46. You feel you're bothering others
47. You get pissed over stupid issues
48. You cannot understand certain things
49. You're scared of making new friends
50. You feel you might not get along with people
51. You want to talk but don't know how to start a convo
52. You don't want a convo to die
53. You need to find out if people care for you
54. You feel like giving up on all hopes
55. You cannot concentrate on the things you're supposed to do
56. You find your memory fading away
57. You need to ward the evil away

CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME ANSWERS TO ALL MY QUESTIONS?

an emotionally unstable chap needs to get up from the fall and spring back to life.
xoxox

What's Wrong?

• Mom: What's wrong?
• My mind: I used to do so well in school but I'm not anymore.
• My mind: The people I call friends, aren't my actual friends.
• My mind: I'm constantly feeling alone.
• My mind: I'm starting to look at myself different.
• My mind: Nothing feels the same anymore.
• My mind: I feel like I'm going to fail at anything I try to do.
• My mind: I haven't been eating that much and I'm hungry all the time.
• My mind: I feel like no one cares about me.
• Me: Oh nothing I'm fine.

That's from a tumblr post.well,that speaks my mind,most of it actually. 

sucky grades, are the people i'm with really my friends? yes i do feel more and more lonely,hmm, doubting most things i do,wondering what's w the change and madness, thinking too much unnecessarily, have been consuming a meal a day lately :/ and fuck ya, was thinking about who really cares omw home ):

sigh,just when i was thinking life's turning to the brighter side. 

so i feel though i seem to be socializing more these days, i'm starting to think waaaayyyy too much and i find myself socially awkward half of the time.

i think i'm rather honest and open - no more shame and i think i'm rude or maybe act suddenly giving people a shock at times :/

i'm starting to find a thousand flaws in myself,what happened to the appreciative girl? 

and how i can i forget,i've been showing my flaws and making myself seem dumb lately ):

WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY i really wanna know,i think i'm sufferring from depression,it's just a feeling but i see no apparent reason to why i'd be psychologically unstable, to why i'd have a psychological disorder. and why suddenly?

maybe it's exam stress?dearie once pointed out to me that i get overwhelmed with a whole lot of shit when it nears exam,see it's happening again,why oh why i wonder. yes i'm frustrated.

I think people who see me in the public probably think i'm mad or something,i think i appear as some emo-insane human on the streets.dam,fuck this mother fucking shit. see i'm getting vulgar too ):

i neeeeed to talk to someone and know if i'm like this,the only people who i see will answer me honestly are a handful,not even 5 please.there's 4 on my mind.one whom i think might end up making me feel better.another whom i guess will look for other's fault if i'd to narrate the reasons to my feelings.the 3rd one would probably base it on the minimal amount of info,come up with solutions that i may end up finding too extreme.and lastly, the one who tolerates all my crap, i feel bad for pounding over and over again with different issues,sigh.

so what's the conclusion,i really don't know!!!!!!!!!!

life's a complicated bitch,are you sure you can handle it all by yourself?

When I'm Bored

Are looks important in a relationship? NO
2. Are relationships ever worth it? YES
3. Are you a virgin? YES

4. Are you in a relationship? NO

5. Are you in love? YES

6. Are you single this year? YES

7. Can you commit to one person? YES

8. Describe your crush: urm...,shy,simple,fanatic

9. Describe your perfect mate: simple,religious,loving,loyal

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? NO

11. Do you ever want to get married? YES

12. Do you forgive betrayal? DEPENDS

13. Do you get jealous easily? NO

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? YES

15. Do you have any piercings? YES

16. Do you have any tattoos? NO

17. Do you like kissing in public? NO

18. Do you masturbate? NO

19. Do you shave your neither regions? The fuck is this...

20. Do you shower every day? YES

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Be more specific

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? hahaha,YES?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? DEFINITELY

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I'd like to (;

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? YEESSSSS

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? huh,not that i remember of.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? surprisingly YES

28. Have you ever been cheated on? mmmmm,no :D

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? NO

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? i don't belief plastic surgery beutifies one,so no/

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? uh uh siol.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? an effortless unrequited love!

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? NO

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?  NO

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? duh

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? erm,what determines best friend?

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? i guess,but who cares

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? YES

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? no.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? NO.hahahaa

41. Have you had sex so far this year? NO

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? i'll let you know once i've tried :P

43. How long was your longest relationship? no serious relationships

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 0,i'd say

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? i don't keep track of my kisses,hah

46. How many times did you have sex last year? z-e-r-o

47. How old are you? turning 18 babeh

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? awwwh,but i love you,hownowbrowncow?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I wanna ans this,hehe,his simplicity!

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? NO,arrogant much,hahaha

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? definitely,quite a few <3

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?not anyone impt to me cause i have faith in all of em (:

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? if there is then i'd be bimmmmz

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Infinity

55. Share a relationship story. said no,in quite harsh a manner cause the guy was too indian-y and couldn't speak proper english,the fuck,i sound slutty :/

56. State 8 facts about your body:

1. There's a scar on my right knee
2. My left foot is discoloured.
3. The there's no toenail on the 3rd toe of my left feet.eeew!
4. There's cotton bud in my right ears
5. There's a huge gap once again in my front two teeth ):
6. I think i've fructured my right arm as a kid
7.  My hair's no longer pure black :P
8.  I claim to have long eyelashes :D 

57. Things you want to say to an ex: I wish we had been more serious?

58. What are five ways to win your heart? trust,loyalty,compassion, affection,happiness (:

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? partner,hmmm

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? personality/character

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? anything they claim is sexy??

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? having sexual intercourse?

64. What is your definition of cheating? seeing someone else while in a relationship with you.most straightforward definition i'd say

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? what's foreplay,seriously,idk what it is :/

66. What is your favourite roleplay? mother theresa,HAHAHA.hiltler too,fun fun fun

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? A romantic dinner followed by a long night walk by the beach (:

68. What is your sexual orientation? fuck you

69. What turns you off? arrogance

70. What turns you on? someone who truly cares

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? never had one,good or bad huh?

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? i like quietness can?

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? at the moment,just tell me you love me!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? i'm weird but not that weird,haha

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? errr,sang a birthday song from unexpected "strangers"

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? urm,...

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? age is nothing,its just a barrier perceived by mankind

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? haiya,no more secrets alr luh.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? everything's related to school,boooring.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? a few days ago.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? ATTRACTIVE,hmm,define it.

 In terms of body:

1. JW

2. Mysterious guy

3. That butch,gosh seriously her,YES.

4. Some random chap i see in school

5. aiya,everyone else!

82. Who is the last person you hugged? winnie the poooh,my buddy,haha

83. Who was your first kiss with? my mum,honestly.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? fail,it never exactly did.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? No cause my siblings would have me killed before that happens

86. You’ll love me if: you'll just do,if i mean something to you.there isn't a need for reason to love <3

Hmm,the english for that last one is super fail,k bye,i should be studying...

Mama's girl

Hi,i'm desperately missing being mama's girl.the pampered one who always follows her mother.

Honestly,out of all my siblings,i think i'm the one who got the most attention from both my parents.Now that mummy's no longer by my side,i feel life's incomplete.feeling like a lost soul looking for a reason to live.
Everyone or say most people out there have something they're looking forward to in life,something which they know will for definite reasons happens. but i'm here clueless of my future,living for no practical reason.yes there's still daddy to take care of but that's something close to impossible to achieve with happiness.

Everytime I think about my mum,i see myself beside her.No one might know how sticky i've been with my mum.It just saddens me deeply when i recall words of mummy some of which are:

"I'm never travelling without you ever again."
"You all must take care of my youngest daughter and give her happiness."
"I'm handing over to you the responsibility of our youngest daughter"
"Always be wise and keep life as simple as possible"
"Stay away from trouble"
"When you're feeling angtsy, go to your room,and spend time alone"
"Follow my footsteps"

And the list goes on and on.the phrases just like these may seem of no value but putting them into the context in which she mentioned it,makes a hell lot of differences.
Mummy loved me way too much,sometimes i wonder if i deserved all that love.
Who on their death bed would care about anyone else except about themselves?They'd probably be thinking and fearing what's going to happen to them as soon as they leave this world. MY MOTHER was an exception.
The last few words of hers was to tell my family to take care of me,its really touching to know how affectionate she was towards me.
I must've been a pain in the ass to her but she never complained.

I salute my mum for her strong character and for having the will power to live even when all hopes disappeared.For her bravery to overcome all the hardships that she has been through.To stand up for herself and make justice happen. To have faith and to believe in herself and most importantly to trust and believe in her children to take care of her and do whatever that they deemed fit for the better of her.
No matter how insane she got,her children meant the world to her and when she was with them,her madness disappeared. Even in the worst state of mind, she'd be aware of what's going wrong with her - something which I was shocked when i first learned of.

Here's a song which i truly appreciate cause it's so true and touches me each time i hear it:
Who should I give my love to?My respect and my honor toWho should I pay good mind to?After AllahAnd Rasulullah

Comes your motherWho next? Your motherWho next? Your motherAnd then your father

Cause who used to hold youAnd clean you and clothes youWho used to feed you?And always be with youWhen you were sickStay up all nightHolding you tightThat's right no otherYour mother (My mother)

Who should I take good care of?Giving all my loveWho should I think most of?After AllahAnd Rasulullah

Comes your motherWho next? Your motherWho next? Your motherAnd then your father

Cause who used to hear youBefore you could talkWho used to hold you?Before you could walkAnd when you fell who picked you upClean your cutNo one but your motherMy mother

Who should I stay right close to?Listen most toNever say no toAfter AllahAnd Rasulullah

Comes your motherWho next? Your motherWho next? Your motherAnd then your father

Cause who used to hug youAnd buy you new clothescomb your hairAnd blow your noseAnd when you cryWho wiped your tears?Knows your fearsWho really cares?My mother

Say AlhamdulillahThank you AllahThank you AllahFor my mother.
Though this may be a religious song of some sort, the wording that describe your mother (my mother) are 
applicable to all I'm sure cause a mother is a mother and is special in her own way!

I'm proud to have such an awesome mother who had her own unique style and character, one of a kind,someone who left a special effect on others,a magical inspiration on me!she's someone who no one would ever be able to replace. 

I LOVE YOU MUMMY,ALWAYS HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL.

YOU'RE DEEP INSIDE MY HEART <3

Getting a clearer picture

My title has no link to what i'm going to type in this post,hehe

Yesterday was a bloody lazy day,how come i get tuesday blues instead of monday's?

Managed to drag myself to school and only did notes for like what 1-2 chapters ): 

Getting to know each other better session between boss and ep

My secret was revealed by boss ): 

Starbucks with awesome people, i like it how we know where to go rather than always having to waste time thinking of what to do next. 

It's good to know that there are people out there who care for you.at the same time,it's freaky to find out how extra silently observant one can be.

That dude has been inferring too much abt me,HAHA,and turns out he's wrong...

Isn't it funny how people can click together when their way of perceiving things are different?

The more time i spend talking to people, the more un-knowledgeable i prove myself to be,shitttttt

Fun fact: there are ways to prevent yourself from being smelly due to consumption of ciggs.

"Ciggs may be a tool for socialization but don't forget to a certain extend, they may prevent it!"

toodles <3

Studying = drain brain cells

Today has been fruitful. i think i've finally found the right company to study with (:

It's not all study study study cause we do take occasional breaks by talking to each other,
it's been really long and i feel happy being able to catch up with my long-lost friends,haha,sounds like a very long time aye but i guess it's been only a few months besides i see them in class always.
Glad that we're still comfortable with each other though things weren't that good in the middle (:

Errr,maybe i gave her the card at the wrong time,shiattt
Oh oh and i feel so accomplished today!

I managed to convince EP to study with boss and me tmr and and buddy too.

Hmmm,and they were saying my/our clique is complete since we have like 6 people and like a mixture of both genders..i really wished it was and will remain that way regardless of our class next sem.
I mean i've always wanted to have this grp of friends who i can always hang out with and with those 6 i see that there's chance. Hopefully, my wish comes true. and eventually we come closer cause i can sense the little awkward-ness amongst some of us 6.

okay,studying has made me tired really quick tonight and i guess i'm going to turn in before 12 for once after a long long time. hoping to wake up early tmr so i can at least study a bit before heading to school to meet the peeps.

It's Sunday!

On a typical sunday, I lay on bed,procrastinate as much as i can not to get up!
The day has passed and i'm seated here with my unkempt hair thinking how i lazed my day away.
Sometime you feel time is so precious that you can't let a minute pass just like that whereas other times you feel it's okay to just sit there do nothing and let time and tide take its toll.

Anyway,today i wanna show my appreciation for my maid. I wonder how many other people spend sometime to think about their maid,i mean seriously. cause when i first thought of it i thought i'm weird :/
But hey, they're humans too and deserve the same as us.

Im has been awesome this nearly 2 years,the other day sissy and i were thinking of asking her if she wanna extends her contract.but i doubt she'll agree,she has her family whom she dearly misses back in indo. She has been one,who cares for me regardless what i do. from do you want to eat anything the moment i reach home to your clothes are nice today. from a sincere thank you for a slightest thing i do for her and a sorry for the smallest mistake.

She does a lot in the entire day,takes initiative and has interest in learning new things. i find it funny how at times she wants to learn how to cook from me, shouldn't it be her teaching me instead,haha! her company when there's no one else around does make a difference and her helping hand makes the day better (:

I'm glad my family got her as a helper though she's a bit slow at times and does make silly mistakes but then again no one's perfect so we can't blame anyone for anything.
I can proudly say thought we don't live under the same roof, i've got memories with her,some of which i'm unlikely to forget <3

Yes,i've been trying to think happy but somehow sorrows don't seem to want to leave my shoulders.
My little hero's sick yet again,wishing him a speedy recovery. I know i think too much and start worrying for the slightest thing, but that's how i am and it's pretty hard to change. just like how i care about things i shouldn't care about,haiz.

<3

Today's probably one of the awesomest day of the yr spent with my lovely family.

Though there's regrets that i didn't study and my siblings didn't do what they're supposed to, i'm grateful for today, something which i needed (: a day to remind me that there are people who still care and who are there to listen to you talking nonsense, to tolerate your madness and screams and people who are willing to help in anyway and who treasure time spent with you. the list definitely goes on!!

Shall keep it short cause it's sweeter that way :P
I love each and every one member in my family, whether i talk to you or not and whether i express/show my love for you or not (:
It's a pity how i regard my sister-in-law as my brother's wife cause it clearly shows the distant between us. on how i call her my niece's mother instead of my sister-in-law, i truly want things to go back to normal, to the days when she used to be my partner in madness.
It's also a pity to know that your dad...... it just makes you doubt everything he does and make you judgmental leading to unhealthy-ness.

Okay,nothing happened,just that when i think of my family,along with the good moments comes the rough side as well. somethings are just to big to be forgotten you see.

right now, i'm freaking worried for my buddy. i wanna talk to her but i don't want her to picture me as someone bugging after her,i don't want to feel as though i'm showing sympathy for the sake of it. i've come to a point where i'm scared of being nice and for showing care and concern for people who are special to me.
it's near impossible for me to think that she'll think that way but when people aren't in their stable state,everything,small or big, becomes possible - leaving no boundaries.
I just hope she doesn't do anything crazy and i cannot wait to see her on monday!

<3

Contented

Talking to my sweetheart today made me realise on how i lead my life on a daily routine which is such a bore coming to think of it.
i mean seriously.

on an average day:

procrastinate to wake up > get ready > school > study/project/hang out > home > relax > tv/online/hw > sleep

on a normal weekend:

procrastinate to get off bed,no matter how awake i am > tv > more tv > get ready > off to spend time w family > be as lazy as possible > eat,talk,laugh > home > tv/computer > sleep

life ain't as dull as it sounds though, haaaha. i'm contented with it,truly. 
am deciding to expand my social network beginning 2.1.
 hah,i must be out of my mind.all this while i wanted to switch over to being a loner,now i feel i need to socialise more,what's wrong with me?
okay,maybe loner's too strong a word to me loner = my usuals + me
these days i feel like hanging out with different people,not that i don't want to hang out with my usuals,i want to but at the same time i want others too..like you know split the time to urm maybe 60-40 or 70-30?

but there's like not many options leh,theres the twosome and then there's the indian babes from law,that's all i can think of rn.
huh,so how,confused now on whether to stick to loner plan or socialise!
thinking of asking twosome out this hols together with the usuals,will they agree?

anyway, i know its a bit early but i cant wait for haz's end of march, planning to give them a this huge surprise and i've alr decided on who to do it with. and the food for the day and roughly how the surprise is going to work..a few options,needa ask sem to decide on one..must r-e-s-i-s-t temptation! study study study first. hope,it'll work!!fingers crossed.

okay bye,off to think of lovely stuff,hehe (:

<3

Overspilling thoughts

As much as I loved today, today's making me go crazy with the thoughts revolving around me.
Small and big things that happen which make me think deep to look for a solution,i'm so much so affected i wonder why that i feel the immediate urge to find solutions to all of em,so that everyone can be the least as happy as i am with my life right now.

I'm glad that i've only made this space known to 2 people very close to my heart.it makes it much easier for me to express myself freely,without much thought of being judge or worrying over what might happen after i post up my thoughts and feelings.

Let's begin with an issue relating to me. Once again,today I ended up in an argument with might have blown if i wasn't in the best of my mood. Sem was telling me how i should stop helping people that someone in particular,boss. The way she sees it and in fact i think many others is far different from how i see it. I strongly feel that everyone should be given sometime to adapt to changes and this time can take up to yrs. An old habit cannot be kicked away just like that,it bloody takes time! maybe if you were in his shoes you'll know. Honestly,somehow i feel the need to ask everyone around me if i'm helping boss too much. i want to ask but who can i ask and know that i'm going to get an honest answer? luq would be honest but he'll start changing his views and pts as i say more,making me confused. haz always says tha bare minimal and i'm actually scared to be in an argument with her,she's fierce k! hahaha. then there's msyterious guy whom i can ask too but i think we don't know each other that well so us to judge each other's position? than there's my buddy but she doesn't know anything i do for boss so how'd she answer me? so technically, there's NO ONE WHO CAN ANSWER ME! unless i try asking boss himself then he'd most probably say, why are you asking me such a weird question,what am i going to say then?it's just frustrating,i feel the need to help and i can't explain that to Sem in words and dam she has the wrong feeling now. ):
I'M NOT OBLIGED,i really am not.

okay so done with 1 issue, 3 more to go.gosh.

So since i'm alr talking abt boss let's continue w him.i really wish he'd start being more open w me. i do not like the i know you know so i dont have to say it feeling. yes, i know his girl broke up w him cause she thinks he's irresponsible. but hello girl,did you try finding out why?might be lazy but when there's something impt he knows he has to do,he does it,maybe thats what you failed to see.okay there might be other reasons to your decision but that guy really loves you,won't you give him another chance? Boss,who always had a hot celebrity model as his background on his phone,now has a pic of em two.and his tweets following what i saw just made a whole lot of sense and spoke a thousand words. babe,he's always indirectly referring to you,i'm sure you're smart enough to tell so why are you punishing him?can't you guys work out a solution tgt? i feel lika bitch for judging the entire situation by knowing just so little but dammit,i cant help it,how?i must admit i don't know a lot so my viewpoint might be wrong,if boss is in the wrong and i happen to know it,i'll give him a long lecture,who cares if i may sound like a nagging bastard, knock some sense into him and provide him w a solution to get his girl back.

Let's move to the next issue if not i'll never finish.

So there's this buddy of mine who i feel emotionally related to,there's just this special connection i feel with her cause of what life has brought us through.only to find out today that she's going through tragic in her life ):
that sweetie has so much to say but has kept it all to herself all this while,why,why,why.i feel so useless asking myself why didn't i go to her earlier,i mean things would've been better,right?i mean she wouldn't have to hide her feelings for a longer time....on the contrast, i am really very very happy,that she felt worthwhile turning to me of all the others (: there's so much to say but i guess i wont,just want to help her and find a solution for her and hope for the better of her and her family. i'm willing to do so much but  i don't want her to feel as though i'm doing it cause i pity her neither do i want her to feel like she's a burden on me. so how am i going to do it,hmmmm,gonna spend the night to think through it.

Oh boy,this dude had been a problem at the start of the year and it seems like he has to end the yr with it too,thinking of who i'm thinking? yes its that annoying euroy. why is he so hard to read.why is it that i cannot think along the same lines as him.why can't i reason out for the things he does?he does nothing but give me a shock and leaves me poundering with the why question. holly crap. stop flirting if that's what you are doing. i'm going to be a huge obstacle in your success if you ever try to do anything to hurt my beloveds! you've yet to see the worst of me.that innocent girl,she's scared of you,i wonder why she started talking to you,she should just continue using her awesome ways to ignore or divert her attention away from you. i feel so happy and accomplished to have left you behind me,to not bother and let myself get affected by your actions. i totally love my current company of people who make me feel even happier of severing whatever friendship ties that we had at the beginning. somehow,i feel that you don't talk to me anymore because of the change in people whom i hang out with,HAHA.Racist faggot.

And after typing so much it suddenly occurred to me that i can solve the last issue haunting me tonight itself,yay,some achievement at least (:

And today i discovered something,wow these few days is full of discoveries,i seem to be finding out something interesting everyday.
Anyway, among the 3 malay boys, only 1 is a true malay,HAHAHAHAH.
ones a chindian and the other is a maladian, if that even makes sense. cooooooool right right right? :D

On a side note, year 1 has been rather interesting with some awesome friendships to be cherished.though i laugh at you,make fun of you,don't talk much to you,be unreasonable with you,decide not to entertain you, irritate you, ignore you or even try much more than needed to help you, i love you.

Now after a yr to disclose the nice people in my class,heheeehe:
In no particular order,
Haz
Sem
Buddy
EP
Luq
Boss
Mysterious guy
Pretty boy

Thank you for making my life so awesome <3

Happiness v stuck in between

Hi,why does it seem that recently i have so much to say? could it be because i am slowly taking myself out of the social world,well i think i am...i now go to school and  hardly even talk to haz and/or sem. the only person i seem to blabber with these days is boss that too cause he initiates a convo and makes it last or at least i feel that way unless anyone initiates a convo w me of course.
I'm glad that at least i still maintain my cheerful tone and smile whenever someone talks to me (:

Anyway,today is a happy day! yay-ness,hahaha
I got quality time with my 'long-lost' friend. and she spoke sooooo much today unlike all other times when she's mostly quiet.i'm elated i asked her out today,should ask her out more often ^^

I'm starting to feel happy with my life now,only now when tomorrow is going to be the last official day of year 1.  that's really sad to know. i'm sincerely hoping, all the new strong friendships forged in the past one year would last into the many more years to come (:

Although,i may seem like i'm always complaining about L03,i've this feeling i'm going to dearly miss them. When the sweet quiet one who hardly even spoke to others says she's going to 'miss' them and if i don't it'll just go to say that i have a heart of rock.

As contented as i am with my life right now, there's this small portion of me that's worrying....
Worrying because i picture myself to be STUCK IN BETWEEN,yet again. In between my two grp of friends whom i equally cherish. One whom i started off poly life with another whom i spent poly life with. both are equally impt to me,how am i going to split myself into 2?
Dammm,life sucks when you're stuck in between..

Anyway,i got to know more about Euroy today,HAHAHAHAHA,total weirdo i just can't deny the fact.
Oh fun fact, after months i finally spoke a word with him that to thanks to the printer,not that i ever want to talk to him luh. just happened so ya~

<3

because it's valentine's

A: Who do you like and Why? There's no why to such questions
B: Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love? twice,you'll know when it happens (:
C: Longest relationship you've ever been in, and why did it end? never got into one and happy abt it 
D: Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how? no,won't,never will
E: Pretend I'm you ex, what do you want to say to me? Fuck off,life goes on
F: Have you ever been cheated on? no
G: Have you ever cheated? no
H: Would you date someone who's know for cheating, if yes why? why not,everyone deserves a chance besides how much can you believe others?
I: What's the most important part of a relationship? trust and respect i guess
J: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? SERIOUS
K: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"? yes, but no if it's going to happen to soon or frequently
L: How many people have you ever hooked up with? err....
M: What's one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship? why didn't we give it a try
N: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex? sex after marriage is my policy (: 
O: Do you believe in the phrase, "Age is just a number?" Why or why not? I guess,now i do..when things happen to you,your perceptions change,but definitely not a guy whose way younger than me.
P: What about "Love at first sight"? Why or why not? yes,but whether it'll last or not is a different question
Q:Turn on's? simplicity and compassionate
R: Turn off's? arrogant and a show-off 
S: What do you consider a deal breaker? what's a deal breaker?
T: How do you know it's time to end a relationship? when you or the other party loses interest?
U: Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single? no,technically all my life (:
V: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? certainly, watch himym, though i think it'll be awkward at times
W: Do you think people should date their friends? if friendship develops into love,why not
X: How many relationships have you had? relationships = 0 scandals = countless
Y: Do you think love can last forever? YESS,feel strongly abt this
Z: Do you believe love can conquer all things? absolutely certain 
1:Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of? i don't think it'll happen so no point thinking (:
2: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? confession should be made asap,don't wait to long.
3: Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not? if there's trust and faith,it'll work,nothing's impossible in my eyes
4: What do you notice first about another person? his character it has to be
5: Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you? no,i think in today's era it's getting common,people who are bothered should be more open minded.haha. but yah i do wonder how they do things...

It's Valentine's Day?

Ohh so it's Valentine's Day, more like a normal day for me (:

Let me start by saying:

L.O.V.E is such a BIG word,for only four letters.

Idk..this year feels different,i'm not even in a mood to sincerely wish anyone a happy valentine's.
But i must say i sure do have the awesomest valentine anyone could ever have. ^^

So i live and let live today with the memories of the past on this date. it was always nice exchanging little gifts with your lovable friends.and if the same friends were by my side today,i think i would've done the same this yr too...well life moves on and Pisces are known for their good adaptation skill (;

I was reading an article in the paper earlier this morning, and it shared a little insight of the benefits of loving.
Something that got to me as a shock was that hugging people you love helps to lower your blood pressure and reduce stress levels.
Omg,isn't it just awesome?
it makes me wanna hug everyone special to me each time i see them...but NO,like this i'll be hugging say 5 people on an average day?

And in the same article it said that a healthy sexual life lets you live longer,and for old men an active sexual life is one when he has sex 21 times a month! isn't that a little too much?

At this point,i feel like doing some research to find out how Valentine's day came about but damm,i need to be studying. however, i suppose it was to recognise the love of a couple and to acknowledge it came about valentine's day. i don't see why people should start loving only on valentine's day or for that matter express their love on valentines. to me, it's not special. i do agree that people should use this day to recall and cherish their memories and stuff.but this should be done on a more regular basic,no?

okaay,i think i'm becoming way to diplomatic these days and for the better of this has to stop.

Because i'm too off the mood to think of nice words to express my love for my fellow sweethearts, i'm going to leave it at this for today:

If i could be anything i would like to be ur tears

so i could born in ur eyes and die in ur lips

In the end we always return to the people

who were there from the b.e.g.i.n.n.i.n.g

When people lauugh and ask me what I see in you..

I laugh and tell them everything you dont.

Is it you I want or just the notion of a heart to wrap around

so I can find my way around.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person,

but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

~ Sam Keen

SHAB <3

Lastly, i truly appreciate all those who have wished me today. It speaks a thousand words for you thought of me today.

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.
~ Oliver Wendell Holme

<3