positive vibe

the positive vibe has disappeared from me.

i feel like i'm like mum. she used to be positive and friendly and stuff but towards the end she withdrew from social activities and preferred to spend her days alone and spend it thinking about things.
i somehow see myself as her now. i'm really wondering if it's a good or bad sign.

probably good because she once told me to be like her and watch the next moves of others and observe life as it goes past us. i see myself doing just that. i blabbler less though with the 4 amazing people in my life i still may seem noisy but that's because i see communication as vital to our friendship.if no one makes the efforts to talk after sometime the friendship will start to fade.

however, i've come to a standstill where i don't have much reaction to things. like when i'm in a problem,i panic and get nervous just for the first few moment and after that i'm just like fuck it. when i listen to others, i am unable to juice positivity into them unlike before. ):
i wonder if i've tried too hard for so many things that everything that happens has a numb effect on me now.


i miss my old-self. how often do you hear people saying < that?
i miss being ms cheerful. the one who always had a smile on her face,who could talk to people easily, who didn't mind being in awkward situations and who liked socializing.
i want myself back.i'd do almost anything to have it. but how,what can i do?
standing clueless in this buzzing world.


i've lost interest in so many things. i feel that i sound like i'm dying soon,i really do.

i want to do well in school,i want to study,i want to put in the effort to study but dammit every time i sit with my books i start yawning madly and weird thoughts flow through my mind. idk,i feel like i can make it even if i don't study :/ i don't even know if i should have said my prev sentence.

i want to spend my days daydreaming, in thoughts that enlightens me that makes me happy. 

i hope i don't screw things up.i hope things go well for me and everyone else in particular those closer to me.

May the odds ever be in my favour and yours (: