The manly figure called 'Dad'

Everyone resorts to convenience and so do I.

All this while I was a mama's girl and then I got deprived of it. A sad girl was hovering in depression but today she saw some light.

Spending the day around her father and having unusually more spare time,her thoughts made so much sense and a call for appreciation.

So thankful for my dad. Though I've been blind all these years I'm glad my eyes are finally open.I might be rambling all the time but there's a portion of the heart for love of my father.

I realise he doesn't show and express it but there certainly is glittering love and I can see it.

Just small bits and pieces.but hey,it is for these small actions that a enormous picture is formed (:

From immediately looking for me when he returns after a tiring day at work to ensuring I've eaten my dinner and being overly protective that's how he portrays his love.

Being the youngest is awesome because you get all the extra love from everyone.they want to see the best in you,and fulfill all the dreams they couldn't.similarly,I think that's what my dad is doing.

It might be irritating to be constantly called out for,for no particular reason but then when the brain starts processing and rings a bell, a smile is guaranteed.

I can't explain what I'm feeling right now.the words that are coming out are not as intense as my feeling - a pleasure to have such a father and tduly thankful for his care.

Maybe I should get to reading and more essay writing before I lose the vibe.

<3

Good or lousy app?

Why was my post live only halfway?

Only the crappy part got posted,urg.

Shall blog more with this so I'll get a hang of it.

So lazy to retype everything,so here's a one line summary:

Dont get why people are asking me to for yang and give up on ppgboy.

Can yoy explain clearly?

<3

New App!

Look,I've finally found a decent blogger app on my android.loving it so far.

I can finally blog usingy phone...this also means this space is gonna be more active due to convenience,haha.

I've started using dot dot dot too much,shld prolly stop.mmm~

why do my dear friends sleep so early or why do I sleep so late?

A question always on my mind at this timing.

Screwed body clock is so stubborn it doesn't want to get fixed,urg.

Oh don't you love how you can not worry about a conversation dying? About not having to worry about not knowing what to say next? Kekeke~

Distance sucks,it drives you insane or it eventually will. It makes you crave more.huh,what am I saying?

Anyways,I can't seem to figure out why my cute little friends

16/9/12

I'm so bored and that's how i've ended up here.

Have nothing in mind at al to blog about so don't be surprised to be reading absolutely crap for the next few minutes.haha

oh ya, results are out,got interesting responds from my friends and family. sissy said i seemed extremely happy about not doing well,HAHAHA. who on earth ever feels that way.well, because i was in the train and smiling....
It feels comforting to hear words of encouragement from all my <3s!

Thankyou for having so much faith and believing in me. It makes me feel good to know that there are people out there for me but the truth still remains - it makes me feel extremely pressurised knowing that i need to excel to make all of them proud and happy.

If only all this pressure could be felt when i sway away into my lala land at crucial timings.

I need to constantly remind myself of what i want so don't be surprised to be reading a lot abt me mentioning abt studies because as i type it helps me remember better,lolol~

So today's kinda the last day of raya,concluded it with uncle over at my place and skyping with maternal relatives back in india...saw 'live' everyone except for le yang's parents and siblings...
got to know a few more facts abt them and abt yang too :D

There's fireworks going on somewhere in Singapore, i hear it but those high rised,well -built buildings are blocking my view. and yes although i'm so old i like to see fireworks..if only i could play some on my own! a must-do item right on top of the list when i next visit india. but dammm,no one would buy it for me,i think :/

this is going to get crappy so bye bye.

<3

i wish .....

it's mid-way through the second weeks of holidays, time is really flying past and i have barely done anything. this is really bad - how i had planned my holidays out and nothing seems to be going according to plans. :(

nevermind,it's okay, i believe i can finish all that i want to before the end of this semester's break.

result's tomorrow and i'm fucking scared. there isn't any reason why i should be because i can guess the grades i'm going to get. i don't want to get those grades because what i'm expecting is horrible but i believe i deserve it since i didn't give my best. i was caught up with my own life, didn't pay much attention at school, always wanted to get home at the earliest and what not.

after the exams, i have found a few reasons to why i should study hard and give my 100% and they're realistic reasons, no longer the delusional. i want to type it out here so if i happen to read my own posts or if anyone else is reading this, can remind me of what i want so i won't walk off the path.

1. I want to be successful in my studies. i feel it's important to do well in my area of interest and not let people down.

2. I want to be able to support my dad fully in future and be independent - at where i stand today,i'm in  no position to even stand up on my own 2 feet.

3. Getting out of singapore is just a small piece of the big picture , i want to go on a world tour

4. I want to prove to many people that I'm capable of much more than what they think I am.

5. A secured career and lots of earning, for me to build my dream house and be able to fulfill the wishes of my family.

Here's just some simple reasons to keep me going.

Can't believe i was so stupid so so stupid to be wanting to do well because of a dude. i know somewhere inside me that's still one of the reasons but well, it's no where on top of the list.

The purpose of this post was to tell you that i no longer know what to wish for...holding my eye lash on my fingertip ready to blow it away..i started with the 2 usual words "i wish" and then i was dumbfounded....reality hit it right in my face, i no longer know who i am,what i want. it's scary. i see no sense of direction to make myself turn in. it sucks.
stood there,giving it a thought and all the came to mind was 'you don't know what you want'. uh fuck this shit.i shouldn't take my life to such depths, but what's the point of living then....? can you explain it with a strong stand?

<3

urg.

hello my little space,

I'm not feeling very good right now.
Dad's screaming over the phone,scolding his brother for the past half an hour. it's not only disturbing that a brotherhood here is at stake and a lot of other related things but its also piercing to the ears. haven't heard my dad so angry and so loud in a long long while,its been years. i can't shut my ears and this is making me feel even more agitated.

On the other hand, I'm not very happy with the mentality of my siblings. it's our second cousin's wedding reception tmr and they wanna act like some normal friend and go there just to eat and head home. i think it's bloody rude. i mean when ,my siblings got married they stayed throughout the wedding and if it were for mummy,she'd make us stay throughout too so isn't it our responsibility to show come respect and stay on?
Why can't they all try to understand, i hate to explain myself but they should be able to think of it themselves, what are brains for right?

I would also want all my relatives whether distant or close to stay in on my wedding throughout until everything is over, but with this kind of sucky attitude from my family, i wonder how many people would be present,guess just a handful. ya i dream of a big grand wedding, i see nothing wrong in it. i'm the youngest in the family and i think i deserve it. i mean my siblings have had good weddings too,err maybe except for sissy cause her wedding happened all too quickly.

I'm so frustrated, and when i take a break, i feel i'm stupid for thinking and worrying too much but can you tell me how to stop thinking? it's uncontrollable.

and then i'm so confused with what's happening in my life ever since this guy came in...he makes me feel good, i mean t's nice to receive a good morning message when you open your eyes, and a good night before you close them.
the constant, how are you doing, take care and have fun really makes my day.
I haven't had all this in a long time, not even from my awesome friends so it's really refreshing.
but dang,my brain keeps going back to think you. i don't remember a day when i haven't thought of you.something or the other brings me back there, thinking of the good times we had or at least i did.if only it could last more and go further.

well, what's fated will find a way for itself. i think the most i can do on my part is to try to get something going, well i think i should maintain my friendship.

finally dad has stopped,it feels like i should too.

so long till we meet again

<3

it's been long

it's been almost a month since i updated this space.
life within this month has been basically a routine of sleep > out > buka puasa > study/assignment

fasting this yr was different compared to last. last yr i used to buka puasa out every wk and this time i only did so twice, once with le girls and once with le darling.
spent most of ramadan at home...i wonder doing what.
no tv shows, i even stopped watching shows on my laptop.so one month of no so called no entertainment and now i'm glued to the screen. i can't figure out what's going on in the dramas so i tend to watch it with even more focus.

Raya came and i began eating excessively. i was having difficulties finishing my plate of food but now its like woah,give me more...it's a good thing i finish my food but the more part has to stop soon! i suddenly have so many food cravings too - feel so deprived of food,ooops.

hmm,i wanted to blog a number of times within this month but then turning on my laptop felt like a chore. on other times when i did, it was because i was rushing my assignment. i take the word 'rush' too lightly,hahaha.

thinking a lot is still my forte and i guess there's a perspective difference between my thinking now compared to then. i guess it's a good thing, well i'd like to believe that everything that happens, happens for the better of us (:

so it's towards the ending of my exams, 1 more paper to go day after tomorrow. i don't know to rejoice to shed tears. with school on-going there's some kind of responsibility i feel, there's always some work that i can keep myself busy with. with holidays come the carefree days,away from a lot of problems i'd say but i don't know if i want it right now.
i want a job, i want to work.but i'm so picky,i want a decent job. in some office perhaps. law related maybe? but i probably won't be eligible.so sighs.

since i'm going to be much more free next week on, you can expect more frequent updates...

<3