ho-lid-aye~

Weekdays just zoomed passed me before i could do anything productive :/

My self-declared holiday turned out to be sleep sleep and sleep :/

Regretting it much but there's nothing i can do to unwind my deeds. 

Hopefully, i'll be able to finish off the 7 things on my to-do list before the week officially ends.

Quite a number of things have been keeping me occupied lately.

From being so noisy at home thanks to sissy,to scolding the kids for being so annoying, to my attempt at kicking of my loner plan, to starting on projects, getting pissed at groupmates, feeling extremely lost at stuff, experiencing something so close to heart attack, feeling elated to know that there's this awesome lady i met in school a yr ago who will be there for L03 till we graduate, to know that i can finally share my feelings with someone who also knows about what's going on 1st hand, to missing my 2 law babes so much, to feeling bad about not celebrating boss birthday w him, to have finally watched dark shadows!

This week is filled with extreme mixed emotions some of which cannot be expressed.

It was really hard to control myself from blogging my emotions at the time i faced them but somehow i managed to,yay!

I tend to be out of control of myself at the slightest of things therefore it was a challenge.

I need to stop making other people worried and panic just because i feel that way.

It feels good to be on a unusually long holiday,heheeee.

Here's to a good weekend ahead!

<3

the previous week flew past me.

it was rather happening.

the week then ended with mother's day.

oh gosh, no words can express my emotions towards this.

I miss my mummy oh so much,i'd do anything to have her back!

Everyone out there who was lucky enough to celebrate mother's day with their mothers, hope you cherished it and will be there to show your love towards your mum on every other day and not just on a day labelled mother's day!

so idk what happened but we began to clear out mummy's stuff on mother's day.

found a lot of things which meant truly a lot to me.

like my presents to mom on mother's day,there it was in her closet.

and i got a photo of my grandma too,yay,the joy. because it's rare to get hold of a photo of my grandma. i think there's only 2 in the whole house. as in those 'latest' photos. there's many in black and white,hahaha.

so here's to mother's day:

school this week feels like holiday lessons.

classes are only for 2-3 hours each day and i'm giving thursday and friday a miss because it's only going to be an hr each. but if i can't find anyone whose going for friday's lect,i think i'd reluctantly go........

family law is such a bitch.oh wait my aunty tutor is.

she's so demanding and she puts off my mood to do work.

urgggg.

<3

im possi ble

Today's a happy day,yay! (:
This week's been a happy week so far in fact. tomorrow will be another happy day too.
everything's so happy. okay now i'm just overreacting.
one reason why this isn't a happy week.my phone crashed on me twice which meant i survived without technology till i finally got home in the late evening.
on a happy note,i got a chance to make a call using galaxy note! weeeeeee,felt awesome k! the phone is simply amazing~~~and i met quite a lot of awesome people too.
i feel enlightened today too..you know emo girl unfollowed me so it's kinda a good thing.
i wouldn't have to bother myself with her words and it'd give her no reason to say i'm talking about her too.but meh,you know me this is not my style.i like to stare at the ghost in it's eyes!
talking about ghosts, i wanna watch all the horror movies in the world,hehehe. they're only showing dark shadows for now and it doesn't sound that interesting.
It's sad that i've missed dark flight,cabin in the woods and POV.
Hope to check it online sometime really soon.
So people are starting to interact with one another while i still stay with my plans though there's some improvement cause nice people approach me :D
I'll make an effort from tomorrow on hopefully because i'm coming to realise i cannot always rely on my awesome people as they need time with their classmates too ):
so here's a quick update on my to-do list:
1. Rebond hair
2. Dye hair
3. Register for driving
4. Ear piercing
5. M18 movie
6. Get a new phone
7. Permanently close the bloody gap in my freaking teeth!
8. Plan a surprise birthday party for at least 1 person close to my heart
9. Get a earning collection
10. Experience the work industry!!!!! (feeling sucha loser not having worked even once in my life :/)
11. As crazy as it sounds,i wanna buy a pack of ciggs THIS DOES NOT EQUATE TO CONSUMPTION
12. Ice-cream buffet
13. Shisha?
14. Travel outta Singapore
15. Confront a fear (probably heights) = go to an amusement park and try out the craziest ride
16. Say iloveyou to the person who in my thinking deserves it
17. Have a go at manicure
18. Sleep in a lingerie 


Certain things on the list are starting to feel impossible to accomplish but impossible is nothing because all you need to do is leave a space between im and possible (:


<3

positive vibe

the positive vibe has disappeared from me.

i feel like i'm like mum. she used to be positive and friendly and stuff but towards the end she withdrew from social activities and preferred to spend her days alone and spend it thinking about things.
i somehow see myself as her now. i'm really wondering if it's a good or bad sign.

probably good because she once told me to be like her and watch the next moves of others and observe life as it goes past us. i see myself doing just that. i blabbler less though with the 4 amazing people in my life i still may seem noisy but that's because i see communication as vital to our friendship.if no one makes the efforts to talk after sometime the friendship will start to fade.

however, i've come to a standstill where i don't have much reaction to things. like when i'm in a problem,i panic and get nervous just for the first few moment and after that i'm just like fuck it. when i listen to others, i am unable to juice positivity into them unlike before. ):
i wonder if i've tried too hard for so many things that everything that happens has a numb effect on me now.


i miss my old-self. how often do you hear people saying < that?
i miss being ms cheerful. the one who always had a smile on her face,who could talk to people easily, who didn't mind being in awkward situations and who liked socializing.
i want myself back.i'd do almost anything to have it. but how,what can i do?
standing clueless in this buzzing world.


i've lost interest in so many things. i feel that i sound like i'm dying soon,i really do.

i want to do well in school,i want to study,i want to put in the effort to study but dammit every time i sit with my books i start yawning madly and weird thoughts flow through my mind. idk,i feel like i can make it even if i don't study :/ i don't even know if i should have said my prev sentence.

i want to spend my days daydreaming, in thoughts that enlightens me that makes me happy. 

i hope i don't screw things up.i hope things go well for me and everyone else in particular those closer to me.

May the odds ever be in my favour and yours (:

4/5

Life's really mundane and i'm starting to question myself for things i do.
I feel frustrated when i'm unable to explain for my own actions and way of thinking to myself.
It annoys me how i always blog when i don't feel good about something and not blog about the happiness and things that light up my life.
and yet i'm here once again.
confused and confused within.

today i'm gonna be raging about my (lost for adjectives)  tutor and groupmates.
so our hw was to get the facts of the case done and we did discuss it way earlier this week.i even remember telling them to write it out on the mahjong paper because if not it'll not be a complete hw.
to my amazement, i walked into class seeing my them writing things out on the mahjong paper only then.
sighs. then walks in my aunty-look-alike tutor and she starts yelling at us and everybody else - some for sitting arnd not doing anything,some for no mahjong papers and others for not being able to account for their late group members. sighs again. that's not all. the smart Alec who brought mahjong paper only brought 2 pieces -.- seriously, didn't you guys think? 2 pieces for the facts and what about moving on with our work???
so i insisted someone go buy more mahjong paper from the bookshop and they did for good. every other group was short off papers as well.WOW.
these are times when i really think 03 wasn't a bad horrible class after all - miss all of em regardless of how i feel about them  (:
so we got scolded even more for not knowing what to do and for not following the process and for not enforcing our rules on each other tightly and bla bla bla.

at the moment when my aunty tutor was screaming, i was reminded of the ever famous ms pay back in bhss for her stern and loud character. she has improved over the years though. so i would rate my aunty tutor to be ms pay when i was in sec 2, the time when ms pay would just scream her lungs off. this aunty tutor of mine does weird expressions while scolding, i swear it's funny and it's hard to hold the laughter back.hahaha.so glad the lesson only lasts 2 hours instead of previously 3 hrs.
i was more than glad to step out of living hell but sighs we left our work halfway,wonder if anyone would call for a meeting to complete em.

i see my darling down today but ): she doesn't wanna say anything so i really hope she let's it out via another avenue and turns back to her what i call bimbotic self :D

and today 4/5/12 i've cleared the first stage to me obtaining my license,hip hip hooray.
really thank God for helping me sit through the test and pass it because the book was really a bore which made me sleep at every attempt to read it so in the end i gave up and relied on my memory from the e trial tests.

praying hard i will be able to read and understand and pass the second phase.

<3

school.

school today was a rather happy affair because i saw all the people i like :D
felt so good to be studying together with them. i miss every single one of them.
sitting beside haz for lessons and eating and laughing with her.
seeing sem walk in late and walking all the way to back to find a comfy corner for herself.
econs tutorials where we would hock the back of the room
tort lessons with boss where he would be the only one who makes me happy in the grp
small talks with ep during tort cause we're bored
criminal lessons with my all boys grps where they never fail to make me laugh
crashing each other's project group meetings
and all our crazy,noisy,dull moments we had with each other. it's just not explainable in words.
it just makes me madly happy when i see them around now,i start waving madly and the smile comes on automatically,yay (:
proves i have emotions which means nothing is wrong with me!
one thing that seems to be the same still is spamming the printer and printing lots of stuff,multiple copies (:

it seems to have become a necessity for us to seat together during lectures now. it didn't use to matter much last time,we just walk in and grab a seat but now nonono...

so i merrily ended school today but ........
i wonder why i always happen to talk to his dude at the bus-stop/ in the bus.
i think karma put us together in the same class but somehow we don't converse in class.
so ya, he was telling me i'm so quiet in class. gosh,can you imagine that's the first thing someone says to you after saying hi?
i was shocked,i didn't expect him to say that.
so as what i'd normally do, smile and just appear polite,HAHA
and then he kept saying it throughout my journey :/
at least he figured i knew one from the class from before. and the best part is he never noticed gavin -.-
he asked me if i was lonely.i'm really wondering what he'd say or do if i had said yes. because when i said no, he was like are you sure. :O

anyway,there's make up for mbs tomorrow and i can't make it. skipping the first lesson of my weakest subject (i'm assuming) feels crap. i don't want to lag behind and what's more,if i'm stuck at the second lesson,i'd have no one to ask ):
but the tutor is really nice,i'm loving her even before i meet her. <3
and she told me she's going to ask the class to form groups tomorrow, told me to make sure i have a group,errrr :/
i really hope some nice soul would remember my existence in the class and take me into their group.

all the best to me for tomorrow, for the entire day,for everything i do.
let me survive family law and make me pass my btt!

may the odds ever be in favour,please please pleaseeeeee just for a day at least

<3

Go with the flow~~

it's nearly the end of the second week of school. another 2 lessons with the class before week 2 officially ends to be exact.
i'm out of place,totally out!
thank god for may day holidays yesterday.haha.

had an introduction session today and the tutor wanted us to say our name,class and something about ourselves (hobbies/likes/dislikes,etc) so i said i like to sleep,i was genuine when i said that because i really do.actually i like to dream-it makes me happy.i also like the blankout feeling when you're sound asleep because it helps you forget your problems at an instant. i like cuddling around in bed.
 but no this stupid tutor started judging me the moment i said i like to sleep.so angry! and she said "so what do you do during the hours you're awake" chan leong,sitted a seat away from me said day-dreaming,so i answered her saying day-dreaming and she literally gave me the wtf look,HAHAHA.i wasn't trying to be anal but i didn't really want to express my hobby,likes,dislikes with her because she seemed to be questioning and forming weird impressions of us (students).
and guess what,she continued with a come back, 'you're still young,you've got a life to live,don't waste it away just like that. i hope you'll find something more productive to do soon' i mean seriously,just because i don't say a shit doesn't mean i've got no life k!i aint like you slacker bitch.
sorry,i'm just annoyed at the fact that she combined 2 classes together for her own convenience and all we did during the lesson was to introduce ourselves,how i wish i had skipped that lesson!and what's more,she said because we didn't have our book that's why she can't teach. wow, she's a mind-reader.she knew we ain't gonna bring our books, she knew the bookshop went out-off-stock. ohh you're such a genius.

so lesson attended and i couldn't run off because too many people and i sat quite at the back.not like anyone would be bothered about my existence also.
the break seemed forever.
super happy to have met le darling 10 mins before class. our classes should always be side by side!
ohh ya,how can i forget to mention this:
there's this 04 clique in the class.during the break i sat on the "benches" along the corridor and the 04 girls walked passed.one of em is my grpmate.so she asked her friends if they wanted to seat with me and they said no.but this grpmate insisted she sat with me.it was uber awkward.her friends sat 2 seat away from me and they were talking across me -.-  just nice le darling told me where she was and obviously i'd choose to look for her than survive the awkwardness. so i went "err,you can go sit with your friends" "haha,its okay luh" "no,no,you can go,really.i'm going off alr.see you later"*walks off*
:/ they must be thinking what a bitch i am.but i was annoyed.

happiness began when i saw doraaaaaaa! hehehe,first person to enter class,sat right in front of her and we began chatting while waiting for the rest,yay-ness (:
but honestly,lesson was really dry.but hey, her speed has increased. we managed to cover more than what we were supposed to in one lesson (:
ohh we drew lots for groupings too but then i had to pee so bad i ran off so i don't know who my grpmates are.just take it as it comes.it shouldn't be that bad right?

tomorrow's gonna be the best day of the week because i'll get to meet and talk to my baobeis happily!heeehe.

<3