say what.

Just feel like blogging but about nothing in particular.

Just happen to read my previous post.
I think my decision seems to be working..I take control of myself. I mean i see myself complaining less,yay!

Exams are round the corner,in the chrismas-new year mood already. i just want my holidays actually,haha.

Was having a convo with my sister the other day.she complains about not being able to adapt and live in a slower paced moving country.i disagree with her. i can totally picture myself enjoying life to the fullest in that sort of place! I just feel that Singapore is too work driven, too stressful. i see slowly nowadays people are moving more into their social lives but honestly speaking the work pressure and high competition is still present. it may be positive for the country's development but on a individual's level i think it does more harm than good.

Can't wait to get myself into some awesome slow paced country,where i can dwell in myself,hahahaha,okay that's just me being dramatic. but i really want to have a slow life for a little while one which i can really relax in and enjoy the beautiful scenery. am not a huge huge huge fan of extraordinary surroundings.

4 things at the minimum to tick off the to-do list tonight but i'm just procrastinating.

i miss everyone!

(random but true story)

life's back to a standstill - where it was exactly a year ago. (obviously i'm being judgmental here, considering only a few things, but still )

definitely a much more sensible person now and i guess i now have less things to deal with too - good thing!

before this starts to get crappy and rambly, chaos.

<3

Positiveness + Champagne bottle

and i've made a decision.....to live day by day, have little expectations and more importantly be an optimist filled with positive thoughts.

Sense hit me real hard today and told me that in every situation there is a choice for you to make. If i can choose to be happy why choose to be sad? why sulk around when i choose to feel better. Doesn't that solve many problems? well, to me i feel it does. hmm, yes talk is easy, practicing it is a challenge and just on the first day of  my practice i'm already facing difficulties. nonetheless, trying really hard and time to live by this principle because i need to get up and out of this hole that i've fallen into.

as you'd know by now, i get angry/pissed off at every small issue. being Singaporean is bad, it makes you have the habit of complaining. and i'm a huge victim of this. i complain about every single thing that happens! i shall attempt to complain less also.oh no, this is going to be terribly hard. well, what's life without struggles?

i should keep a distance from everything to prevent myself for feeling generally horrible and caught up in a situation. this reminds me that I'm a capable woman, i do not need any man to lift me up and/or affect me in anyway.

I need to go back to who i was, pretty much carefree about most unimportant things and let fate make all of it's move. I know i'm probably contradicting myself but yes, in full caution and sense and sober, i feel what i'm saying right now is correct.

Back to bottling my anger at the world at large inside the champagne bottle and eventually when it is too full or fool, it'll naturally pop. so koodoos to waiting for the day to you for having a dose of champagne given to you by yours truly :D

<3

18th to-do list

Quick update on le list:

1. Rebond hair
2. Dye hair
3. Register for driving
4. Ear piercing
5. M18 movie
6. Get a new phone
7. Permanently close the bloody gap in my freaking teeth! (closed it for a month or 2 and now it's back :/)
8. Plan a surprise birthday party for at least 1 person close to my heart
9. Get a earning collection
10. Experience the work industry!!!!! (feeling sucha loser not having worked even once in my life :/)11. As crazy as it sounds,i wanna buy a pack of ciggs THIS DOES NOT EQUATE TO CONSUMPTION
12. Ice-cream buffet
13. Shisha?
14. Travel outta Singapore
15. Confront a fear (probably heights) = go to an amusement park and try out the craziest ride
16. Say iloveyou to the person who in my thinking deserves it
17. Have a go at manicure
18. Sleep in a lingerie  

4 more to go of which 2 seems impossible to fulfill at this point and 1 which idk i should fulfill...

Jab Tak Hai Jaan

Till my last breathe 

Perhaps true love does exist and it does go a long way and not just come to a pit stop the moment challenges are faced. Its truly admiring to see two people struggle and make their way through thick and thin for their other half. Probably if you're willing to do absolutely anything for someone then that person is your love. 

Making your way through thick and thin doesn't simply mean fighting the world for the two of you to be together but also making huge sacrifices for the well being of the other. Be it giving up your love or separating  from your love just for the sake of the other's well being.

Truly a touching movie though i felt it could have been better.loved the scenery.

Such films never fail to inspire me. 

so much to say about this inspiration but am short of words. 

Movies should continue to inspire me and let my imagination run wild, well that's one way keeping myself happy so why not?

Shall end of with this:

Extra love for bike rides <3

Can't wait to be sitting on one, enjoying every moment of the ride~

Saline mischief in your eyes,
Small insolences,
Laughing in your smile,
Waves of dusk unfurled in your hair,
I will not forget you,
Not untill I cease to breathe,
Not untill I cease to live

You took your hand away,
You turned your shadow face pale,
You never glanced this way
You, I will not forgive
Not untill I cease to breathe
Not untill I cease to live

Patiently waiting for my time to love

xoxo

So close yet so far

Everything seems to be within the perimeters but out of my reach.

Hating myself for my sucky attitude right now.

Why can't I be good enough for myself and for my beloveds?

Why can't I live the day without absurd thoughts?

Everything is strange.it seems so near yet as though it's going to fall apart.

Whatever that's important and far feels the same way too.That probably means the problem lies in me and solely me.

How do I fix it? How do I tighten the loose screws within me?

I miss you all.yes you, you and you!

Everything seems within the perimeters but out of my reach.

<3

Vroom vroom

I'm so jealous!

I WANNA GO WONDER AROUND ON A BIKE TOO!!

Sissy and sis-in-law are having a great time on the bikes while I'm seated here only thinking abt it -.-

Dad doesnt allow me to get my own license and there's no one here to ride me around too :(

India you're good at such times.

Ladies there sit on the back sideways and apparently sitting that way feels scary compared to the usual way of riding...

I also want to experience leh!

If only I was there.

Currently indecisive - 2 choices. Both equally desirable,hmmmm~

Life's impossible?

Life is really hard to figure out.maybe its truly impossible.

But by saying its impossible to figure out life is like giving up because I've always believed nothing is impossible.

The constant battle of trivial issues within me.

Why do I get caught up by such things,well,I guess its a part of me that ive to accept.

Funny how only after 4 years I finally decided to accept this part of me....

And annoying how I turn to this place only to complain and rant and sulk and express how the down sides of my life is instead of some happy posts.it just sucks ok.

So here's to another saddist emotional post!

Feeling as though life's been playing a lot of games with me.is this to test how strong I am by throwing me challenges or to see how soon I'll fall?

I really don't get it.maybe it's my fault for asking for a roller coaster ride,and its exactly what I'm getting right now.

Feeling good about myself and having all the love and happiness I can get for a few days and then back to the gloomy days where I feel like sulking in my bed all day.

It lasts way to short and it's affecting me in many ways,studies being of outpost importance at this point in time.

Persuading myself no longer works and I do not know what to do now.

May the odds ever be in my favour as well as those close to my heart.

Today's the day where I feel like life is meaningless.probably only living it because its a sin to put a stop to it.

Oh my Lord, please grant me inner peace and stability to carry on and do productive things to make a positive change!

May all my beloved friends overcome their dark days as well.

<3

Out of the fixation

I believe not long ago I was appreciating life and was liking how things were going but now as I'm on my way,I no longer feel the same.

I feel something is seriously wrong with me. My daily cycle seems to be changing pretty fast and I'm not a bit liking the current cycle. So a week ago I couldn't fall asleep until at least pass midnight and now I'm desperate to unite with my bed starting 10..

Doing anything seems like a chore,even watching tv.have I mentioned how I used to intensely stare at the screen throughout the drama and now I can't stay put 10 mins into it.obsession with tumblr seems to be disappearing too.food I cook no longer tastes good.I could cook good food,fyi.

What's worst is not knowing the cause of all of these and when reality hits it mother fucking sucks.oh this brings me to my vulgar language.it seems to be growing when I'm trying to eradicate it.I now scold the tutor for some really tinily minor mistake..

ALL OF THIS JUST NEEDS TO STOP.

But then....how? My plans seems to be failing on me and therefore I gave up making plans,letting nature take its course and then today a group spoke about visualisation. It sounded stupid to be honest.

The dude mentioned if you can visualize yourself reaching your goals then one fine day you will.and he was sharing hid story of how this basket baller practice perfect aiming by sitting on the bench and visualizing while his mates ran out and down the court to train and that made the man successful.

so maybe I should try out this method of thinking w/o any actions,HAHAHA.

The thing that I want is impossible to achieve,its nothing big and it's certainly achievable but just not now.

Hmm,I started by saying how I liked things a few weeks ago.yes.everything seems to be falling apart now and I'm too tired to prevent it from completely falling.sighs.my soul needs a new brain to function well~

<3

Wedding Fever

It's almost halfway through the busily packed wedding week and I'm here sulking,missing out on all the fun.

I really wish I was there,if i'd only miss say one week of school i would've bunked but hell no,this is way too much and it'll cost me beyond what i can effort.

A huge thank you to technology for enabling us to have real time conversations with our friends and beloved family overseas. So sister-in-law has been taking snaps of the wedding and sending it to us..as usual, i can't stop it with my nonsensical and what i think humorous comments,hahaha..

They're having a good time, i'm not but that's ok, my time will come (to enjoy i mean)

Gonna bug dad when he's back to let my fly in march - heard there's gonna be another wedding.
All this far away cousins of mine are getting married but i'm like not attending all their weddings, bad cousin i am..i want to attend theirs so they'll attend mine.

Anyway the thought of marrying in india is pretty interesting. i mean i'll probably have to attend a briefing of all the happenings first so i won't be blur and lost and confused but then i think it's quite fun to carry out the rituals as compared to the normal wedding here which is known for its food and maybe some dance moves and dk barat and that's all..

I want to have/ play wedding games on my wedding...you know those funnily weird simple games they play, like see who can find the ring first and all. so much fun. i don't believe in their "myths" behind it which is why i call it myth luh.

Wedding at le yang's tmr which means no more talking, this is kinda depressing!
It's also nearing time for me to make some judgments and form an image,hmm...

How can so much change in just 2 mths, well nothing is impossible but  i find it hard to believe.
No longer know my directions, my goals. it's going to be time for soul-searching soon, probably over deepavali holidays.

Something awesome to look forward to this weekends: SISSSY, DAD & KIDDDOS ARE COMING BACK.

it feels like it's been a really long draggy 3 wks.

<3