thinking......over-thinking?

fuck this shit.
the holidays are silently driving me crazy.
though i spazz and complain a lot about my horrible experiences in school..actually more of just projects, this holidays is waaay too insane.
during schooling days,i talk a lot but the feelings are just temporary,i overcome it after a few days and there i am happy as ever all over again,i don't keep forever thinking about it even though i say i do. it doesn't bother me as much as i'm bothered this holidays.

well, maybe this holidays is for the remaining days and was for the days that have passed a time to really reflect on my life,the ups and downs, to picture things with a vivid view,to clear my confusions and doubts.

anyway,the reason why i'm on rage mode right now is probably because i have nothing much to keep myself busy with which ends up with me visiting random sites and taadaa finding out too much information,stuff which i don't need to know because the outcome is here for you to see yourself.

it makes my blood boil to know that children don't appreciate their parents and are out there in the open world to seek revenge. fuck you,i swear i'd fuck you upside down if i could and if my morals permitted me to. hell you, can't you see where you are standing today? who brought you this far? who struggled to keep you alive when you were born as puny baby, the size of my fucking palm?

If you have had no childhood it's because you were way too precious to your parents who feared on losing you and not you know, it's possible to have childhood within the four walls of your house,well that's if you have normally functioning brain to inspire you on what you can do!
You've been pampered way too much, to a point where i'm feeling guilty and sad for you.

Mommy shouldn't have spoke to your dad to give you more freedom when you were younger cause see the results are pathetic. you should still be confined with that four walls because you're crossing your limits way too much.

Every couple have disputes so did your parents and mine. things get resolved after time and the love deepens.people move on,forgive and try to forget. they're heads up for the future but no you're stuck with the old stupid mentally of holding on until you seek revenge,why oh why?

If there's so much hatred, why sing praises to the whole world? who the fuck are you lying to? the world is so madly filled with devils,DEVILS i say and i see you as one. oh ya how can i forget your source of luxurious living comes from there no wonder the pretence.

I NEED TO EXERCISE SELF-CONTROL.

I feel the need to counsel you and bring you to the right path. i feel like shouting out to the world for help,for you. i bet you'll be the world's angriest person to know i've discovered your truth and to tolerate me for the rest of your life.

the thing that hit me most is your fucking attitude - the lies, the pretence and the feeling you have developed.
i have no idea why you're doing all this but i certainly know it's all fucking wrong,very wrong,and this has to stop. oh well, even with attaining the law degree that you aspire, i bet you you won't succeed in your revenge or avenge as you put it so.you beloved one will be the cause of your hindrance,trust me in my words. the world would go against go when you try to do so.only then will you realize how terribly wrong you are?

I see it all now, i perfectly understand it or so i may feel..i don't blame you for addiction towards harmful stuff which you presume halal.i don't think you're that dumb not to know but i MUST clear your doubt, perhaps the next time i see you.the food served at that place is halal not the hookah,geddit?

If i'm this disappointed can you imagine how much more your parents will fall to find out all about you?

gossssh, speaking about curfew it's no wonder you have one, how can your parents blindly trust you when you're like this? don't try to use me as an excuse to get your curfew removed okay bitch?
there's a hell lot of difference between the two of you and me.
it's kinda obvious.
it shows if you can't see it for yourself.
well, even if you can't i'm sure people would've told you, like they've told me, i can't believe you guys are related.
i've got something called self-respect, i wonder where you've lost your.
i don't indulge myself in things the world sees as beauty because i think it's pointless.
unlike you two who see it as a necessity to keep up with a world.
for certain things, there's no fucking need to keep up with the insane world, understand little kid?
oh wait,no longer teenager,HAHAHA.
what the world presumes as right might in the end be wrong so therefore, use your principles to judge and make a wise decision and stand by it always and never stray away cause that's the only right thing to do and the only thing to keep you going too.

okay rage mode needs to stop right now, but honestly,i hope i can shut my mind from all these thinking like how i can choose to stop raging about it!
i need to speak to someone who can help but who, i see no one. i need a solution, can you give me one?
i can't imagine how oblivious the da chiaye can be.maybe she's doing something,just that i don't know so i must stop judging!
O-K-A-Y. S-T-O-P

sorry for the abusive language and hurtful words and for raging.
i need the strength to endure.

<3