My standing in life

so here's the continuation because i can't fall asleep.

Let's begin with the aspect in which i wish to stabilize most in right now.it's coming to 5 fucking years and i've still not mustered the courage to express my feelings for you. WHY? possibly because i'm this old-fashioned girl who wants the guy to make the first move. i've this feeling i'll end up being impulsive one day and just splurt it all out. well, still thinking of how to do so and once it's up to my standards i will, i must.
how foolish and silly of me to shove the matter away when it last arose.
iloveyoushab.
so i'm standing nowhere in this weird love life of mine.

I believe health should also be counted as one aspect of life because without good health achieving what you want to might be difficult. so my health looks fine but i feel weak from within. i think i have a lot of health issues which i'm running away from. from the discoloured foot of mine,all the way up to the head - the sudden giddiness and black spots before my vision sometimes, i can name problems after problems.
Thinking of getting a full body check up done but nay it's too costly,i shouldn't be making people spend so much on me an besides who am i kidding, i wont even go to the doctor's until it's a matter of life and death. on a side note, is cancer hereditary?

So then comes religion.
I'm sucha loser at it. I know very little about my religion. i don't even do the bare minimum to keep in touch with it. I want to but everytime i plan something to do about it, it fails on me. But really it's about time i read up and pray and do whatever my religion requires me to. Standing at maybe just level 1 in this aspect too ):

Lastly, would be studies. With my horrible gpa score you'd know i'm nowhere near making it to university. However, i'm still hopeful and on a very strong urge to buck up and somehow,by hook or by crook obtain a degree. I've never done well in school so it'll be a dream come true if i get a gpa of at least 3.7!!
I'd look at career too to complete my life but i guess i'm too young in this case. however, thinking about a career as a lawyer or as a paralegal i think i'll be a horrible one because the moment i'm angry i feel like screaming at the person at the top of my voice and this disrupts my chain of thoughts leading to only one point revolving around my head. so how am i going to put forth a strong case with organised points and arguements?

Omg,you know too much about my life after reading this,dammmmm! but here it really is, how much more shitty can it get? i seem to have problems in every aspect though i still continue trying and seeking for happiness in them. i believe i aim for things i can get with expectation i can attain and i really hope i'll be able to achieve them one day cause today might be too early to see where i stand.

I'd be glad enough if i can hit the satisfactory mark of my life really soon.
Life's such a struggle, I accept it as a challenge I'm sure to win (:

<3