it's a headache to think of a title.

Hello once again,

my title has no link with this post...

I'm still not well, the constant coughing and clearing of nose sucks.Not to mention of how tired i feel, my bed seems the best place to ever be for now.

Oh nooo,i forgot what i wanted to blog about,urg!

IT'S BEEN ALMOST 36 HOURS AND THIS SUCKS.maybe i should make the first move.......

Oh ya,i wanted to mention of how nice,warm and lovely it is to talk to your close or should i say closer friends. I mean you can't just talk about anything under the sun with some stranger you just met or an ordinary classmate.

It felt so good to finally have a friend who has a little in common with me, the same ideas and close enough plans. :D

i'm only 4 years away from what i want and i guess it's time to do something so it'll come alive. Though i do not believe in what i feel i should start doing, i guess its the only way to make my dreams come true unless ....ya.

My mind will change in this matter so don't be surprise if i say something else tomorrow, it's just the beginning of my thoughts,let's see how much crazier i can get :P (i'm so missing the whatsapp emoji of :P right now)

I need to get well soon!

<3

Mind-games.

Once again we're playing mind-games.

It's fun till your brain starts processing and because I'm down with flu it processes at the rate a snail moves.

Oh gosh,this is bad I tell you.on a day when I speak without thinking, he decides to get his answers.and boom,it hits me like a bomb.

I'm gonna say something lame or bit around the bush to get my way around.why aren't any of my friends awake to help me think of a comeback?

It's okay,I cab do this,hwaiting!

Goodnight

<3

Appreciation - Dad

I'm loving my dad more each day because he suddenly is treating me like his princess.

He doesn't scold me that often nor nag at me for not doing household chores or looking after him.

It's a happy Tuesday today! :D

I woke up to not having to do my share of household chores and not having to wash the toilet.
And Dad made the day even brighter by buying me a new fan out of the blue. and i was allowed to be lazy by starring at the tv up to now.hehe.

Yay,i'm so happy.

He has been trusting me more too. I can see it, but I do not know how to explain it in words over here.

I really hope dad stays as nice as he is now so that i would be able to entirely break the communication barrier within us. Yes, I'm talking to him more often now and i'd have to say a thankyou to the drama series because it's the shows that make me speak more and more,hehe.

<3

Pushed

I'm sorry.

I no longer know what's going on in my brains and my heart.

I don't know the myth of 11.11 but since i see so many people making a wish i decided maybe i should use that opportunity to remind myself of something i really want. but now it doesn't make sense anymore because i no longer know what i want. i tell myself i want ......and then the next moment i go 'do i really want this?' or do i want .......

Internal conflict is by far one of the most disastrous thing that exist in my believe. Its a hard struggle to go through and get out off and i feel i'm getting trapped in it. I need to pull myself out but i do not know how..
What can i do to take a peek within myself and to find out what i want?

Environment plays a huge role in this too, which is why i constantly want a get away so bad but I guess in the society i'm leaving in its to early for me to make my own decisions and to roam free though i feel i am capable of doing so..
I mean my life would be a whole lot different if I'm left independent.  

Feels like I'm writing an essay,haha....

Coming back, I feel as though I'm pushing you away with my what seems to me annoying replies. I'm sorry but it's only because i don't want people to have high hopes and expectations only to be let down. I need to find a focus before i can get things going.

I know I'm weird, you probably think so as well. Who on earths tell people their dark side, well hi there, i'm one such person. But hey, i like the way i am so if you don't then fuck off. 2 options, either accept me for who i am or get the hell out of my life.

I do appreciate your thoughts towards me but it's always easy to speak than to do. Maybe your lifestyle makes it easy to do certain things which seem really tough for me and vice versa so ya I'm sorry if what i've said wasn't what you were expecting....

<3

Annoying kid

You know your life is fucked up when some kid starts to lecture you.

Everyone dislikes their parents nagging at them so just imagine how it feels like to be nagged by a kid.

Though it is good that the kid is knowledgeable about what is right and wrong and everything but it os fucking irritating and to me I feel disrespectful and rude for the kid to be literally NAGGING at an adult.I don't mean the kid shouldn't correct the adult when he's wrong but fuck it kiddo naggings not the way to go.

Being the youngest and having a lot of different views from my siblings and parents,I never once nagged at them nor said anything that a small child isn't supposed to

Yes call it ego or self-respect or dignity.but it eats my head up. What are you trying to prove by nagging at me. I do things after much thought and as a kid maybe you don't understand that and that's the only reason keeping me from screaming my head out at yoy for repeatedly NAGGING.

Fucking faggot needs to be taught some useful skills such as when and when not to say and do things.

I've had enough and I'm not tolerating anymore. One more time this happens I swear I'll snap and it'll be the worst thing ever because I foresee everyone else being dragged into this.

Just because I did not justify myself doesn't mean I'm wrong.I bet if I play my trump card none of you will have anything left to say.

Keep your life simple and avoid problems - my motto in life makes me say little though I talk a lot of crap the truly sensible things are kept within.

Now I'm really curious to know all of your answers to a question that I feel will leave not only the kid but everyone else dumbfounded.

Rage mode and all anger related feelings should be kept just within this space so chaos for now.

<3

Hack the title

Hello hello. I'm supposed to be asleep but here I am.

Beware,this post is going to be frustrating.

After much thought abt the convo I had with yang the other night,I decided to try and figure out what he meant,if he was serious or not and all the ifs...

So as what I am known for, I dropped the bomb at the slightst opportunity but to no avail.

To the future me who'll at some point read this post:

I hate people who bit around the bush and do not come out up front and direct.you can't always be hinting here and there because it makes people guess and their guess may not be accurate thus creating a series of misunderstanding.

I also do not like people who shove away what they've been asked,whether in communication form or a physical act.

---

I'm tired of reading minds and fixing the puzzle together. Just when I thought my life was going to be smooth for a period of time,one where I do not need to have unnecessary worries on my mind,it hits me again,maybe I hoped for too much,too early.

You must be wondering the cause of all these frustrations.

It's because I cannot decipher what one is saying and it makes me fucking pissed when they just hahaha,smile,or change the topix to avoid answering.

Just gonna end with this convo over here:

'what type of boys do you like?'

'simple and has a good personality'

'I'm simple and have a good personality'

'what's your point of telling me this?'

'hahaha,I'm tired,I'll talk to you tmr'

So what say about this? Doesn't it make your hands turn into a fist ready to punch the moment the doosh is in front of you?

<3

Smile.

There's bound to be a smile on the face if everday is just as simple yet amazing as today.

No,nothing special or different happened,I just feel good and I hope everday would be like today. Not engaging myself in thoughts that anger or worry me.

From a simple what happen,any problems just because I didn't reply within half an hr to a thankyou,I received it in response to an email which was unnecessary.From a good morning to how was your day today. All this little things means so much to me.

So thats just about the reason to my smile today.

I'm trying to sleep early to fix the screwed body clock but it seems to be making me have a pick in what I want more and this sucks.but oh well,with time I believe everything will fall in place (:

Have a lovely day ahead!

<3