trembling

I'm trembling, my panic and anxiety was temporarily gone when i was around people,mostly sem and i am really appreciative and thankful for her company.

I'm revolving around so much but at the same time so little. oh gosh, i don't even know how to put all this in words.
My hands are sliding across the keyboard really fast and when i stop i can see it shaking.
I can't fucking cannot take goodbyes.

At this moment,i'm in a fix, i don't know if what i did was for the better or for the worst. maybe if she left us all and went to a better place,her life wouldn't be so miserable as it is now? but i would've been stone hearted and inhuman if accepted her goodbye and let it all go away.i wouldn't have been able to forgive myself in the future too. would spend the days in sighs and regret for the rest of my life.

Praying hard for her and hoping she'll have a speedy recovery. I wish i could spend a lot of time with her and shower her with all the love and happiness i can.. i truly believe emotional support is key in such situations.
In this 1.5 years, i've felt i'm very close to her in many ways. one of the friendships in which i felt that constant communication wasn't vital and we could always have a heart to heart talk at any point in time, there wasn't a need to hesitate or a need to look for the right opportunity. love her infinity.