Month of ramadan is approaching in 7 days.
Taraweeh prayer starts in 6 days!
I want to make this yr a different. I've plans which i wish to fulfill.
I always felt that i'm a sucky devotee, devotee isn't even the right word to use...
I feel that i cannot live up to the expectations of the religion and this feeling sucks really bad.
It's horrible when people start questioning you and when you don't know of a significant date on the islamic calendar.
So this year, i want to try my very best to complete every taraweeh prayer. I know it's going to be tedious and tiring with lessons starting at 9 am on most days but it's a challenge i want to take up.
I feel that my life is at its low point these days. I have no strong reason as to why but i just feel that way.I feel empty. I spend the days in sighs and get little or no work done. I spend my days doing things which are of no importance to me...in other words i'm wasting my life away.
I want and feel the need to achieve something right now. Though priority should be placed on studies, i think that would not be the right thing to do at this point in time because every time i convince myself to sit and do some school related work, i start yawning like a ....mad freak and then it gets on me and i automatically move of the seat and start doing something mindless.
With tests and exams round the corner, i hope my decision to focus on fasting and religion for at least a month would be the right one. I've realised that the decisions i've been making since i turned 18 weren't quite desirable.they didn't turn out well. they've been a disappointment to me.
Urg,weird thoughts have been making their way to my mind and i don't know how to react :/
i'm so confused,so lost - these words means so little to me now because i've been saying it way too often.
i don't understand why such a petty issue is affecting my mind,body and soul so much. i knew that was what would happen in the end yet i'm not able to take it strongly,why oh why?
I cannot figure out what's going on inside me, my bodily functions, are they even functioning normally? what if they're not?
it's not exactly petty issue but i named it such because i knew things wouldn't work out but somehow this 'petty issue' of mine is actually a major issue in my life right now. it's destroying me from within,i can see it clearly, but i seem to appear fine from the outside. i can not think about it and even when i do i can convince myself to smile and be happy but it affects the things i do, my mood more importantly. out of no where it'll swing real bad and the worst part is the one facing me at that time suffers :(
i used to love to tumblr and now that feeling is fading. my fantasy of wanting to marry at 22 officially died on wednesday when reality hit me. i feel there's no reason for me to love anyone anymore. the world's just so cruel and self centred. i feel i won't be able to give any man a place in my heart. i feel like i should change myself for idk what fucking reason. my day is no longer brightened with what used to brighten it up. small shits annoys me. what the hell is wrong with me?!
i feel like i don't know my own identity anymore. and that's a major problem.
i need to do some soul searching, but then again for what.
internal conflict needs to fucking stop!
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