lost it

As the title reads, i lost it last night. after many years feelings just over flew and in no time i was in tears. and this caused me to fall back sick with a runny nose and sore throat. how crying can so quickly affect your health amazes me.

no, i didn't lose it because things between us is falling apart. in fact during the influx of my over thinking process yesterday,i saw some light in us. i believe if i truly want it then i can make it happen but oh too bad i don't really want to make the first move...i still need time to think through it properly.

and in admist all of those i felt like i should talk to you and ask you if you know what happened while she was there.

felt as if i needed to share my saddening story in detail with someone, i'm surprised myself at how vividly i remember everything, thought i've successfully moved on but i was wrong, very wrong.
and as tears rolled down you came to my mind, felt as though you're the right person i should go to but how could i forget your behavior towards me? that turned me down and i laid there silently trying to get a grip of myself but then i failed yet again. it got so bad that i was coughing madly and started nauseating.

so much for wanting to have an early night yesterday. went to bed at 10 fell asleep probably only at 2,sighs.

may the odds ever be in my favour.

down yet again

it's stinging like the most painful bite of a bumble bee. (i'm bad at all this metaphoric stuff but oh well)

It feels like the heart just sinks everytime i re-read the message. yes,i know i shouldn't be so stupid to keep going back to re-read the message but i just can't help myself...what do i do? i don't understand! where did we go wrong? what happened along the way? i really don't know.

it's so sickening to know that i'm affected my minor stuff,and though i'm aware i'm unable to make myself feel better,doesn't that suck even more?

and it's such a pity i turned to this space yet again to express my downside feelings.

can someone please tell me there's nothing heart breaking in this message?:

"sorry...my class is about to start...i'll talk to you later..bye"

:(

March

Hello,I'm back after sometime. 

I can't say i was busy studying for exams cause that was just countable days. i really have no idea what i'd been up to but it seemed busy. but i'm free now,till the end of this month. probably this is going to be the free-est month of the year and maybe even up to 1st quarter of next.

Well,its time to play hard and live while i'm young.hitting the big 2 next yr. not to mention how i already feel old upon hitting 19.

I remember when i turned 18 i got crazy,i wanted to do unreasonable things...i even made a list remember? well the list is still there somewhere far back below this post and i can't be bothered to dig it up because i was awaken towards the end to realize that somethings i wanted to do were stupid so i left them undone and for others that i could not complete,i'm sure opportunities to do those will arise (:

As of now i really wanna learn scuba diving. okay maybe not learn but just experience.sounds ridiculous considering the fact that i cant even swim :/ i wanna learn,is anyone willing to teach me? :D

The urge has increased since the past few days after i saw photos of my bro's trip to bali for diving back in his teens. he was saying experience everything you want now because you don't know whether you'll be able to or not in the future. i agree with him. being a brown girls is tough. it comes with  a lot of expectations some of which you may not even know. everyone's future is a mystery to be discovered each day...what will happen if i marry a brown guy whose family is very traditional.that'll probably be the end of my freedom,haha. #brown girl problems. 

Yes these days every moment i'm thinking of being desi of living the indian way. my much awaited trip is drawing nearer and nearer,i can't wait,not to mention (:

thinking of planning another getaway in december but i'm clueless as to whether i'll have holidays or not?

and the coming academic year,it's not to be played with. no more slackings because i really needa do well and start thinking of what i wanna do after my diploma. 

this post is already long yet there's so many more things on my mind that i wanna say. #effects of not blogging for so long

and it's already so jumbled up,no proper sequence and all so i'm gonna leave it as it is and come back some other time,till then xoxo~

A new addition

On the 4th of February we welcomed a new member to our family.

Cheers to my rapidly growing family :D

Babies too cutee and I just love shopping for her and carrying her! And her nicknames awesomeeeee too,hehe. I've a feeling I'll forget her real name if everyone keeps calling her by her nick.yes,it's a little difficult to remember,lol.

Anw,my house is currently very extremely lively with everyone living in it altogether.it's a positive thing but it's a bad thing considering how near exams are. Hopefully I'll be able to juggle it well.still thinking of where to study for the next two weeks,any ideas?

And let me end off with well wishes for my dearest Chinese friends.may the new lunar new year being about much more satisfaction (:

<3

MRT

I took the east-west line after quite a number of days ob Saturday and I'm happy to say I noticed a change.

Well,to me this change is actually quite big..

Because previously there was an uproar abt it.

And the change was that the voice you hear in the mrt is now different.it sounds more Singaporean and the announcement is made in a muxh clearer tone and messages are kept short.

For example, they say something along the line of 'paya lebar interchange.change to the circle line here.'

It may sound a little insincere but it's much more direct and easier to register.

The voice is no longer some China person's who can't even pronounce properly.

So yay to this change.

Hope fully all the other mrt lines would change their voices too.

Love how I can spot all this small changes because it makes me realise the government is actually trying its best to improve things.

Not to mention abt the gigantic fans at the overhead stations. The wind from it is just fooyeo!

Keep improving Singapore and keep speaking up for things you're not satisfied abt, people of Singapore! (:

Public Speaking

Public speaking class is for this semester the most interesting class, the one i look forward to most.though i may complain about it, i really have a good time and leave the class with a positive feeling always.

This is all because of wonderful classmates! and i believe my sitting position cause the other half of the class on the other side seem stony.

PS didn't start off all that well, i remember facing technical issues during my first presentation and that initially no one was helping me solve the problem until the tutor screamed at the class. However,after that it has been smooth sailing. they're all really nice people.

We greet each other outside class if we happen to see each other, something which i don't do with my fellow yr 2 classmates,isn't it such a pity?
and in class they never fail to make me laugh and more importantly they're there to support you and not shun you down because they disagree with you. this really helps to boost confidence and makes the lesson forwarding looking.

sometimes i feel that PS class is infinitely more united compared to my own class,isn't it an irony. i only spend 2 hrs each wk with PS class and uncountable hrs with my class but idk why we're not even close to unity.

Its really amazing that such few words can have a huge impact.

Not to mention they're all so cuteee and funny! hehehe :D

Looking forward to the rest of their speeches next wk. 2 more lessons to go only, and i'm gonna remember this cds for life and probably going to miss them.

PS is a great cds in the sense that it makes you more socially aware and gets you thinking about general stuff.

(:

Despite all this happy moments in schools, i'm not able to pick myself up. :(
Last night before i slept, i told myself tomorrow will be a brand new day,with a fresh beginning.told myself to leave the unpleasant things behind but no, the moment i woke up i thought of it,sigh.

Please get him a new phone somehow and really quick.

<3