How will your bf do after the vows?

Was reading an article on who you marry,matters. it's an amazing article,like a guide to assist you in deciding whether your guy should turn into your man.

Inspired by it, i thought i should put it up here,so i can read it time and again and make a right choice when the time comes.
Ps: i'm only extracting the parts which i strongly agree with and adding in my thoughts.

You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues. 

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living. 

1. It will impact you spiritually. 

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Quran reading, Hajj, and expand your knowledge of the religion? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Allah? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? If he's not a believer, than how are you going to go in deeper,and keep up with your worships? How are you, together as a couple going to create your pathway to jannah?

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully. 

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. Well, i would expect my husband to be by my side assisting me to feed my baby. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health. 

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? Is your husband going to assure you that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training? That’s the kind of attitude you want. You might have to help ease the financial burden, but you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself, it should work both ways, both play an equal part in ensuring that the family is provided with necessities.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? 

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster. 

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved. 

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection. 

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? 

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously. 

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them. 

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that? 

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you. 

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare.  

Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow.

Amazing read and a source to get yourself thinking isn't it?

Tumblr expresses what i don't say

2013/4/21

I'm back!

lost in my own delusional thoughts,i no longer have the mood to blog/to dictate my feelings.
it seems the best option is to keep within oneself and secretly hope things change for the better or if it's already good enough for it to remain the way it is.

it's been a week since i came back from my trip to my ancestral home. while it was refreshing to see the familiar faces greeting you it was rather an eye opener to how different other people's lifestyle is from my own. how their thinking conflicts from mine and how we do the same thing differently. it was definitely a learning experience and it raised awareness in me, can confidently say i'm a more cautious person now. it's amazing how despite all the differences we can live,laugh and have so much fun under the same roof without arguments and fights.hmm,well that could also be due to the fact that my stay was extremely short!

i'd love to go back there again really soon and stay for a bit,say a month or two. shall try proposing this to dad and ask him to grant me permission say maybe after i graduate with my dip? :D

school starts tomorrow and i'm not prepared. suddenly feel the holidays are too short and have flown past way too quickly.

well,whether i'm prepared or not, reality would soon kick in and so here's to hopefully a marvelous year ahead~

lost it

As the title reads, i lost it last night. after many years feelings just over flew and in no time i was in tears. and this caused me to fall back sick with a runny nose and sore throat. how crying can so quickly affect your health amazes me.

no, i didn't lose it because things between us is falling apart. in fact during the influx of my over thinking process yesterday,i saw some light in us. i believe if i truly want it then i can make it happen but oh too bad i don't really want to make the first move...i still need time to think through it properly.

and in admist all of those i felt like i should talk to you and ask you if you know what happened while she was there.

felt as if i needed to share my saddening story in detail with someone, i'm surprised myself at how vividly i remember everything, thought i've successfully moved on but i was wrong, very wrong.
and as tears rolled down you came to my mind, felt as though you're the right person i should go to but how could i forget your behavior towards me? that turned me down and i laid there silently trying to get a grip of myself but then i failed yet again. it got so bad that i was coughing madly and started nauseating.

so much for wanting to have an early night yesterday. went to bed at 10 fell asleep probably only at 2,sighs.

may the odds ever be in my favour.

down yet again

it's stinging like the most painful bite of a bumble bee. (i'm bad at all this metaphoric stuff but oh well)

It feels like the heart just sinks everytime i re-read the message. yes,i know i shouldn't be so stupid to keep going back to re-read the message but i just can't help myself...what do i do? i don't understand! where did we go wrong? what happened along the way? i really don't know.

it's so sickening to know that i'm affected my minor stuff,and though i'm aware i'm unable to make myself feel better,doesn't that suck even more?

and it's such a pity i turned to this space yet again to express my downside feelings.

can someone please tell me there's nothing heart breaking in this message?:

"sorry...my class is about to start...i'll talk to you later..bye"

:(

March

Hello,I'm back after sometime. 

I can't say i was busy studying for exams cause that was just countable days. i really have no idea what i'd been up to but it seemed busy. but i'm free now,till the end of this month. probably this is going to be the free-est month of the year and maybe even up to 1st quarter of next.

Well,its time to play hard and live while i'm young.hitting the big 2 next yr. not to mention how i already feel old upon hitting 19.

I remember when i turned 18 i got crazy,i wanted to do unreasonable things...i even made a list remember? well the list is still there somewhere far back below this post and i can't be bothered to dig it up because i was awaken towards the end to realize that somethings i wanted to do were stupid so i left them undone and for others that i could not complete,i'm sure opportunities to do those will arise (:

As of now i really wanna learn scuba diving. okay maybe not learn but just experience.sounds ridiculous considering the fact that i cant even swim :/ i wanna learn,is anyone willing to teach me? :D

The urge has increased since the past few days after i saw photos of my bro's trip to bali for diving back in his teens. he was saying experience everything you want now because you don't know whether you'll be able to or not in the future. i agree with him. being a brown girls is tough. it comes with  a lot of expectations some of which you may not even know. everyone's future is a mystery to be discovered each day...what will happen if i marry a brown guy whose family is very traditional.that'll probably be the end of my freedom,haha. #brown girl problems. 

Yes these days every moment i'm thinking of being desi of living the indian way. my much awaited trip is drawing nearer and nearer,i can't wait,not to mention (:

thinking of planning another getaway in december but i'm clueless as to whether i'll have holidays or not?

and the coming academic year,it's not to be played with. no more slackings because i really needa do well and start thinking of what i wanna do after my diploma. 

this post is already long yet there's so many more things on my mind that i wanna say. #effects of not blogging for so long

and it's already so jumbled up,no proper sequence and all so i'm gonna leave it as it is and come back some other time,till then xoxo~